When Our Heroes Die: Grieving On-Screen Strangers
It has been a terrible year.
I have a background in theatre and I tended to compete with the actors I saw on stage or screen, wondering how or if the “job” could be better. Three of my theatre/acting/film heroes have died this year. These 3 kings, I like to say, (Robin, Philip, and Harold) have crushed me in every competition I have tried to will myself into creating when I watch their work. There is no way I could have voiced a better Genie, portrayed a more flawless Capote, or even come close to writing a script like Stripes. I just learned to not compete after a certain amount of time, and thus began to idolize these prolific Hollywood juggernauts.
The day I found out that Harold Ramis died my best friend called me in a frantic mess. A normally cheerful, jovial guy, he spoke to me in a somber and depressed tone, and told me what we needed to do: “We’re eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching Ghostbusters tonight. You have no other options.” He was grieving, and he was reaching out. He knew of my love for Harold’s movies, and though I did not grow up watching them like he did, he knew that being surrounded by people who respected his work would offer solace.
When I heard about Robin Williams’ death, I was shocked – utterly and completely caught off guard. A man who has made me laugh countless times in his stand-up, his movie roles, and an unprecedented amount of talk-show appearances, was just suddenly wiped away. I mean, the Genie, THE GENIE FROM ALADDIN
was gone. I had hoped to someday meet the man who had me rolling on the ground in circles with laughter from the time I was 5, but I had to say goodbye. In the past few weeks, I have watched every standup, every interview, and most of all every tribute I could find on YouTube. I find my self coping with the grief of someone I’ve never met, and even shed a few tears as I watched him throw his head back and howl with laughter at something David Letterman said.
I saved Philip for last, because this is the one that hurt. I started to idolize him when I was about 15, just as my love for theatre and film were entering their adolescence. I was not shocked by his death (I knew of his bouts with substance abuse), but I also was not ready for his death. I was not ready for my plans to see future movies starring him to be taken away. I wasn’t ready for the endless talent that he portrayed on screen, and his effortless portrayals of such prolific characters, to be lost in a chasm of depression and pain. On my way home from work, I did not cry, I wept. I wept for my hero, I wept for his family, I wept for the joy I experienced when watching his movies. I heavily grieved for a complete stranger for a good 72 hours.
Say what you will about celebrity exposure, but I feel some of it has pushed us in the right direction. They create experiences for us on screen that in some way, we feel we’ve experienced with them. Despite the fact that many of us never meet our on-screen friends, there is a relationship that exists between the actor and his audience and we shouldn’t undervalue that.
If you feel the need to grieve a stranger-hero of yours, whether they were on-screen, an author, an athlete, or musician – grieve them. Leave flowers at their star on Hollywood Boulevard, watch your favorite clips, or read your favorite quotes. Take time – they effected your life and they deserve the goodbyes we give them.
Rest in peace, Egon.
Genie, you’re free.
Philip, thank you for your inspiration.
30 Comments
Great blog, Michael.
It is amazing to grieve for someone we don’t know. I think we identify with some of the characters they play and make “personal” connections with them. Their deaths have left a void in the world and an emotional loss not being able to experience their work.
Thanks Michael
I feel like I have to grieve. I mean it should be easy to move on from, but every once in a while I still hurt when I see a picture or see a movie in the HBO guide. It really is an amazing phenomenon.
Michael,
Thank you for opening up and sharing with us. When we are vulnerable with each other the walls come down and mutual trust and respect replace it. We certainly can feel connected with actors and sports figures and other people we have never met. Now with the internet and smart phones none of them are far away and are as close as a couple strokes of a key or screen. When we grieve it is because of a lost relationship, so when we have relationships with actors though out our life it is normal for us to grieve when they die. We feel a connection and that connection is now broken. I was seven when my Dad’s favorite baseball player Roberto Clemente died in that awful plane crash in 1972. I remember his anguish even as a little boy, my Dad had never met him but felt a connection. We just lost another comedic and television icon in Joan Rivers. Hopefully these losses will remind us to appreciate what we have when we have it and to not take anything for granted.
Chuck
I feel like something from my history of acting and performing has gone missing. Its incredible how impacted you might be by someone and not noticing it until they are gone. Even someone who was a complete stranger.
Michael, it’s very interesting that this blog right when another star died. I think it’s very fitting for the occasion. I was affected by Robin Williams’ death- it was so unexpected. We tend to think of stars as immortal or invincible. But, they are just like us. They, too will die one day. Thank you for this wonderful blog. Carrie
How I wish they could be invincible. The next big hit that my heart will take is when Gene Wilder passes. That guy better be getting organ replacements!
Michael,
Great Blog choice. I can hear the genie talking in my head now. “Three wishes, to be exact. And ixnay on the wishing for more wishes. That’s all.” So hard to believe he’s gone! How wonderful it is that we can still have experiences with them through the movies they have left us with. They’re gone but not forgotten.
My favorite line is “Tell her, the, TRUUUUUTTTTHHHH!”
I also had his song running through my head for about a week after he passed. I still can’t help but smile when I think of it!
Michael , thanks so much for sharing all three of the men will be remembered by their many talents and will be missed as we all will be one day. We connect to stars like we know them just as we look at them as being part of our family as we have been entertained by their many talents for years so the connection is strong so when they do die it has at times a very lasting effect. Thanks again for the blog Michael .
Joe Lavoie
Robin Williams has been part of our family for a really long time now, and everyone in our family took a big hit when he passed. Alladin and Mrs. Doubtfire are going to continue to be some of our favorites for a really long time.