When Our Heroes Die: Grieving On-Screen Strangers
It has been a terrible year.
I have a background in theatre and I tended to compete with the actors I saw on stage or screen, wondering how or if the “job” could be better. Three of my theatre/acting/film heroes have died this year. These 3 kings, I like to say, (Robin, Philip, and Harold) have crushed me in every competition I have tried to will myself into creating when I watch their work. There is no way I could have voiced a better Genie, portrayed a more flawless Capote, or even come close to writing a script like Stripes. I just learned to not compete after a certain amount of time, and thus began to idolize these prolific Hollywood juggernauts.
The day I found out that Harold Ramis died my best friend called me in a frantic mess. A normally cheerful, jovial guy, he spoke to me in a somber and depressed tone, and told me what we needed to do: “We’re eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching Ghostbusters tonight. You have no other options.” He was grieving, and he was reaching out. He knew of my love for Harold’s movies, and though I did not grow up watching them like he did, he knew that being surrounded by people who respected his work would offer solace.
When I heard about Robin Williams’ death, I was shocked – utterly and completely caught off guard. A man who has made me laugh countless times in his stand-up, his movie roles, and an unprecedented amount of talk-show appearances, was just suddenly wiped away. I mean, the Genie, THE GENIE FROM ALADDIN
was gone. I had hoped to someday meet the man who had me rolling on the ground in circles with laughter from the time I was 5, but I had to say goodbye. In the past few weeks, I have watched every standup, every interview, and most of all every tribute I could find on YouTube. I find my self coping with the grief of someone I’ve never met, and even shed a few tears as I watched him throw his head back and howl with laughter at something David Letterman said.
I saved Philip for last, because this is the one that hurt. I started to idolize him when I was about 15, just as my love for theatre and film were entering their adolescence. I was not shocked by his death (I knew of his bouts with substance abuse), but I also was not ready for his death. I was not ready for my plans to see future movies starring him to be taken away. I wasn’t ready for the endless talent that he portrayed on screen, and his effortless portrayals of such prolific characters, to be lost in a chasm of depression and pain. On my way home from work, I did not cry, I wept. I wept for my hero, I wept for his family, I wept for the joy I experienced when watching his movies. I heavily grieved for a complete stranger for a good 72 hours.
Say what you will about celebrity exposure, but I feel some of it has pushed us in the right direction. They create experiences for us on screen that in some way, we feel we’ve experienced with them. Despite the fact that many of us never meet our on-screen friends, there is a relationship that exists between the actor and his audience and we shouldn’t undervalue that.
If you feel the need to grieve a stranger-hero of yours, whether they were on-screen, an author, an athlete, or musician – grieve them. Leave flowers at their star on Hollywood Boulevard, watch your favorite clips, or read your favorite quotes. Take time – they effected your life and they deserve the goodbyes we give them.
Rest in peace, Egon.
Genie, you’re free.
Philip, thank you for your inspiration.
30 Comments
Hey Michael,
It is tough when someone we idolize dies. It doesn’t matter if you know them personally or not. With the different outlets of exposure (TV, Internet, etc) and with the ability to have access to them over and over at any time, those we idolize for their talents become part of our lives. When they are taken away, it’s like we’ve lost a friend. Grieving their loss is normal and expected.
Thanks for the blog.
Fitz
Thanks Fitz. Hey! You were first comment!
I tend to idolize a lot of people by either their talent, humor, or good works. We have plenty of it here at the mortuary, and I’m glad to say I look up to a lot of people here, like yourself. Keep up the good work!
Michael I love this blog. Bryce and I were watching Sherlock (the new BBC one) and there was a suicide scene that happened the moment Bryce got the text saying that Robin Williams had died. I couldn’t believe it – I felt like I was in shock and then I just fell into tears. We immediately found interviews, started listing our favorite movies of his and grew even sadder as we realized the impact, joy and wonder he had brought to our lives since we were little and, like you, watching Aladdin and laughing so hard. We later watched the Birdcage – one of his less conventional roles and one of my favorites.
When the “World of Color” show is going at Disneyland the best part is always the Genie’s song, people dance like crazy and all of the parents there are my age showing their kids the hilarity of the Genie.
Thank you so much for sharing this Michael, I needed a place to just share my grief story and I have to thank you for sharing yours and giving me the opportunity.
Molly
Thank you Molly for sharing. You and I are close in age, and I’m sure experienced the same angst just sitting and waiting to watch Alladin rub the lamp. Because thats when the fun started! I’m going to miss that man and my favorite characters deeply.
Michael,
One of your talents is the beautiful way you express yourself.
Of the 3, the only one I really followed myself was Robin Williams.
Talent used to make us feel, see and touch what the actor is portraying is a gift we all admire. To walk out of a theatre and for a few minutes, wonder where you are and how you got there is the ultimate tribute to those on the screen. Then to find yourself quoting the famous lines: “You could never be chocolate!…But I want to be chocolate!!, “Come Home, Shane!”, “Good night, John-Boy, Good night, Mary Beth, Good night, Mama” etc, etc, etc brings home how much they affect our lives.
Yes, we do grieve our stars. Each in our own way. My grandson totally spiraled over Philip.
May you continue to touch lives for good, whether or not you ever reach your goal of being as good as your screen idols.
Love,
Annie
Thank you Annie. “Oh Captain, My Captain.” from Dead Poets Society sticks in my head like glue. That and “You ain’t never had a friend like me!”
I also have the Happy Days theme run through my head every once in a while. Weird, right?
Hi Michael,
I really enjoyed reading your blog! Even if we have never personally met our entertainment and sports icons, they are still very much a part of our lives and the grief we feel when they die is very real. Thank you for acknowledging this grief and giving us a place to share our memories.
John and I loved all three of these actors too. We have spent many evenings re-watching some of their classic movies and quoting some of their best one-liners. We even remember when Robin Williams first appeared on Happy Days!
Thanks for sharing your insights and your own grief over the loss of these three great men.
Becky
I saw that video of him! it was awesome!
Look up his first appearance on the Jonny Carson show. It is seriously one of the greatest things you can watch that perfectly honors him.
Great blog Michael I can definitely relate to experiencing grieving the loss of musicians for the most part. Music has played a significant role in my life practically since I can remember! Layne Staley (Alice In Chains) and Kurt Cobain (Nirvana) are among some of the more tragic deaths in the history of music (there’s plenty others that could be named) but these two gifted talents came to mind because they are some of my favorite bands and I grew up listening to their music. Wonderfully written blog once again… and yeah I too was taken back by Robin’s death. Genie is free, so true!
I hurt for the loss of Jeff Buckley. I feel that a whole new era and genre of music was lost when he passed. He wrote some truly amazing songs and also performed a remake of one of the most beautiful gospel songs ever written, and NAILED IT. I imagine my life is going to change when Eddie Vedder meets his end.