When Our Heroes Die: Grieving On-Screen Strangers

When Our Heroes Die: Grieving On-Screen Strangers

It has been a terrible year.

I have a background in theatre and I tended to compete with the actors I saw on stage or screen, wondering how or if the “job” could be better. Three of my theatre/acting/film heroes have died this year. These 3 kings, I like to say, (Robin, Philip, and Harold) have crushed me in every competition I have tried to will myself into creating when I watch their work. There is no way I could have voiced a better Genie, portrayed a more flawless Capote, or even come close to writing a script like Stripes. I just learned to not compete after a certain amount of time, and thus began to idolize these prolific Hollywood juggernauts.

The day I found out that Harold Ramis died my best friend called me in a frantic mess. A normally cheerful, jovial guy, he spoke to me in a somber and depressed tone, and told me what we needed to do: “We’re eating pizza, drinking beer, and watching Ghostbusters tonight. You have no other options.” He was grieving, and he was reaching out. He knew of my love for Harold’s movies, and though I did not grow up watching them like he did, he knew that being surrounded by people who respected his work would offer solace.

When I heard about Robin Williams’  death, I was shocked – utterly and completely caught off guard. A man who has made me laugh countless times in his stand-up, his movie roles, and an unprecedented amount of talk-show appearances, was just suddenly wiped away. I mean, the Genie, THE GENIE FROM ALADDIN was gone. I had hoped to someday meet the man who had me rolling on the ground in circles with laughter from the time I was 5, but I had to say goodbye. In the past few weeks, I have watched every standup, every interview, and most of all every tribute I could find on YouTube. I find my self coping with the grief of someone I’ve never met, and even shed a few tears as I watched him throw his head back and howl with laughter at something David Letterman said.

I saved Philip for last, because this is the one that hurt. I started to idolize him when I was about 15, just as my love for theatre and film were entering their adolescence. I was not shocked by his death (I knew of his bouts with substance abuse), but I also was not ready for his death. I was not ready for my plans to see future movies starring him to be taken away. I wasn’t ready for the endless talent that he portrayed on screen, and his effortless portrayals of such prolific characters, to be lost in a chasm of depression and pain. On my way home from work, I did not cry, I wept. I wept for my hero, I wept for his family, I wept for the joy I experienced when watching his movies. I heavily grieved for a complete stranger for a good 72 hours.

Say what you will about celebrity exposure, but I feel some of it has pushed us in the right direction. They create experiences for us on screen that in some way, we feel we’ve experienced with them. Despite the fact that many of us never meet our on-screen friends, there is a relationship that exists between the actor and his audience and we shouldn’t undervalue that.

If you feel the need to grieve a stranger-hero of yours, whether they were on-screen, an author, an athlete, or musician – grieve them. Leave flowers at their star on Hollywood Boulevard, watch your favorite clips, or read your favorite quotes. Take time – they effected your life and they deserve the goodbyes we give them.

Rest in peace, Egon.

 Genie, you’re free.

Philip, thank you for your inspiration.

Molly Keating
Molly Keating
Hello! I'm Molly and I run & manage the Blog here at O'Connor. I grew up in a mortuary with a mortician for a father who's deep respect for the profession inspired me to give working at a mortuary a try. Work at O'Connor has brought together two of my deep passions, writing & grief awareness. In 2016 I earned Certification in the field of Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement. I am honored to be able to speak on these taboo topics with knowledge, compassion, and a unique perspective. I want to sincerely thank you for following & reading the blog, I hope that this is a healing place for you.

30 Comments

  1. Christopher Iverson says:

    Michael,

    Thank you for the personal story. The last time I mourned a celebrity was when Chick Hearn died. I lived with him my whole life as a life-long Lakers fan. Connections, however far removed from our real lives, are connections…and we feel them.

  2. Neil says:

    Michael – It always seems like our heroes go before us. I think that is how life is designed, to me, it is like someone is trying to tell us something. I love the passion you have for your acting heroes. Movies and acting are the best way to learn, escape, laugh, cry and have your emotions displayed in a group of total strangers in the dark. Life is short and we all have gifts to give, for some of us we give and then we have to go, that is the bitter sweetness of having heroes. I am glad that you have taken time to share your grief and thoughts in this blog, I love knowing where you are coming from. Great job Michael, keep the passion in your heart fueled.

    • Michael Thomas says:

      I learned so much from each of these men. How to perform/act/write… Its such a shame that they themselves cannot be here forever, but I am indebted to their work as I watch it over and over again. Thanks neil for your wisdom

  3. Kari Lyn Leslie says:

    Michael,

    I absolutely LOVE this blog. Great job! We have discussed this on many occasions and I know how deeply you feel the loss of each of these extremely talented men. I have always been proud of your choice of heroes. Thank you for sharing from your heart, and I hope that over the years you keep in mind you are in the position to be a hero. You are the oldest grandchild in our family, and you are actively leaving your legacy on your brothers, sisters, and cousins. Keep up the good work!!

    to the moon and back,
    mom

    • Michael Thomas says:

      I know for a fact you felt the impact of Robin’s passing. I love how we got to share those moments of brilliance he would display in film and stand-up. Its hard to lose such a funny, yet surprisingly human, part of hollywood.

      P.s. I’ll get the genie when its time

  4. Kari Lyn Leslie says:

    p.s.
    That Genie ornament that you and I have hung on our Christmas tree for the last 20 years has become even more precious. You let me know when, and it grace your Christmas tree for the rest of your life!!

  5. Lori says:

    Michael,

    I love this post! Celebrities have held a special place in my heart over the years because they remind me of time I spent with family or friends enjoying movies or televisions shows. Growing up, we all had staples, those shows we watched every day. I can remember wanting to stay home from school “sick” so I could watch I Love Lucy with my Grandma. When Lucille Ball died, I cried, I mean cried. That is the only celebrity I can recall really crying and grieving for. Of course there was shock for the death of Princess Diana and other unexpected deaths, but Lucy is the one that hit me the hardest.
    Thanks for writing this and sharing your experiences!
    Lori

    • Michael Thomas says:

      Thank you Lori. Lucy played a big role in my family when i was growing up, and still does today with all the re-runs. Thats another person I would have loved to have met.

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