Stubborn Love | The Power of Lyrics
“Its better to feel pain, than nothing at all.
The opposite of love is indifference.”
It was around 10:30 on a Wednesday night, and there I was, driving out to Laguna Hills to bring someone who had passed away into our care. Only this time I was not going to be calling a stranger to let them know their loved one was in our care. I was not going to fill out any paperwork with a strange name at the heading, nor was I going to be setting up an appointment for the family to meet an Arranger.
The man I was receiving was my great-uncle. I was going to be calling my grandmother (telling her that her brother was in our care), and I was going to be writing a name I had heard my entire life into our log.
I had received the call about his somewhat “expected” death about 2 hours earlier. I had been out playing a night round of disc-golf with some of my closest friends. When I told them I was leaving early to go comfort my mother and grandmother, they shook my hand, hugged me, gave their condolences, and wished me well. I was fine. In fact, I was more than fine. I was relieved.
My Uncle Jim was someone who could be easily forgotten. Not by choice, but by comfort. He was an addict, a borderline recluse, and a common dealer of the ‘ol disappearing act. I had maybe met him a dozen times in my 23 years, and each time there was a complaint about him. I had never really grown close to him. He was family but felt more like an acquaintance.
Yet even still, there I was, driving out to work on my night off, ready to make sure he had a good reception into the mortuary Care Center.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I got an idea. I parked, and I walked over to the Seven-Eleven in our neighboring shopping complex. I bought a Monster energy drink, and a pack of Marlboro Reds. I haven’t smoked since I started working for the mortuary, but Reds were (Uncle) Jim’s favorite. I searched for a lighter in my car, put my Amazon Kindle music player on shuffle, and took a long drag out of the cigarette. The first song started playing, and it broke me down.
The song that came on was “Stubborn Love” by The Lumineers. For those of you who have never heard it, it is about a gentleman involved with a woman who is always letting him down. She lies, steals from him, and cheats but yet he still loves her. He still is trying to find a way to make it work.
The song made me realize what and why I was doing what I was doing. The fact that Jim had caused so much pain in our family was thrown out the window. I realized my indifference towards him was selfish, and that my stubborn love for one of my most distant family members led me to where I was at that exact moment. It was stubborn love that led my grandma to stay awake for almost 48 hours to make sure she was there for his final moments, and it was stubborn love that had my mom playing his favorite Elvis tunes in his ear as he lay there unconscious.
I find that some of life’s most precious lessons can be found in the lyrics of some of our favorite songs. Families usually bring in an entire playlist of music that helps them reminisce about the life their loved one led. It’s beautiful to sit in the back of the chapel and hear I Did It My Way and hum to Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Why? Because music stays with every generation to come. The lessons and memories locked into some of our favorite lyrics are going to be here forever. Some will bring us pain and sadness, but many will bring us understanding and light. From now on, Stubborn Love will forever be associated on that cold Wednesday night, in my favorite parking lot, having one of Jim’s favorite vices.
As Chuck Riccardi said a few blogs back to “Stop and smell the roses…” I encourage you to maybe stop and listen to the lyrics. It may just be the lyrics of your life, or, like in my case, someone else’s.
|| what do you think?
What songs have lyrically stood out to you?
Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? Next time, look up its lyrics and see what happens!
Do you have any songs that have a special meaning to you or a loved one?
52 Comments
Michael,
Great blog and very well written! I myself am a huge music fan. My favorite thing about music is lyrics. I find solace in music and when I listen to a song that reminds me of a period of time, I immediately get goose bumps and nostalgia roles in. I am an X Gen-ner and the 90s was an amazing time for music. Many songs are reminders but I song particular that send me back is “Unbelievable by EMF”. Uber cheesy but it always played on the radio. I remember sitting in the RTD (MTA to the younger generations) and jamming in my head like the music video. When I hear it now, it just takes me back to those rides. Again, awesome blog!
Joanna
And thank YOU for being one of the first set of ears to hear it. It made me very confident about the post being relevant and I really appreciate it.
I agree with you. The 90’s were awesome. Questionably the best generation of music ever. Lyrical content was at an all time high at that point. My personal favorite song from the 90’s is Black by Pearl Jam. Depressing, yes, but just beautiful and elegant. LONG LIVE THE 90’s.
Michael,
What a great blog and a great memory. Working by your mom I have heard the stories of Unkie and their relationship. I love hearing her memories because I can see the love that will be there forever. I never knew how that night went. I knew your mom and grandpa Pat was there but that was it. I didn’t know that you went to them to comfort them and also brought him to the mortuary. Wow! I just have to say you are a great guy and I have always known how lucky your parents are to have you as a son, you really care more than words can describe. I am so honored that you wrote this blog and showed everybody how your night went that night. I know how much it meant to Pat and your mom to have you take your Unkie and be there through the whole journey. Thank you Michael for being true to yourself and giving every family that walks thru this door the love, compassion, and caring they need.
Shayna
Thank you Shayna for your kind words. It means so much that you were ears for my mom during those rough couple of weeks. Thank you for your smile and your positive attitude, you truly are a wonderful contribution to O’connors.
Michael,
Thank you so much for such a meaningful and well written blog about Unkie. I think that you “get it” more than most, when it comes to how I felt about him. He was my hero when I was a child, and my heartbreak as an adult. Our relationship was marked by so many great songs!! Anything Elvis, The devil went down to Georgia, Hank, why do you drink? Even the theme to The Dukes of Hazard. We knew them all by heart. As a child he was bigger than life, as an adult, I saw through the smoke and mirrors. No matter what, he ALWAYS loved me. That was was the constant I could always depend on. Saying goodbye with music was so natural. You said it so well, ours was a stubborn love!!
I love you Son, and I love reading your blogs. I couldn’t be any prouder of the man you are today. If I wasn’t your Mom, and knew you, I would wish that I was!! Your words and actions touch my heart every day.
To the moon and back!!
Mom
P.S. No more smoking!!
It is plain to see how important music was to him. Probably because wherever he went, the music would always go with him. I guess we can say that this whole post was pure inspiration from that stubborn old guy.
Michael , I feel their are a lot of songs we hear that ring true with everyone but one that sticks in my mind is the playing of taps to honor a veteran who has served our country. It’s the emotional meaning of the song and the feeling that comes over you when you hear it I cannot express enough heartfelt emotions as to how this song makes me feel. Taps has always held an important place in my heart and always will.
Thank You so much for sharing , sincerely Joe Lavoie
I agree Joe. Taps is a shock to the system every time I hear it. I get to see the raw emotion that it provokes from families, and it is moving beyond what words can express. Thanks for the feedback Lavoie, and thank you for listening to my rough draft when i was writing it.
Michael
I so identify with this. In my growing up family, music was first and foremost. My father could play any instrument placed in his hands, beautifully, professionally and with flair. I remember him playing “Midnight Fire Alarm on the piano, vigorously pounding it out. I was 5 when he died so that is an early memory. I still make my older sister play it when I get to Canada..After he became a minister, he toned down to the piano and hawaiian guitar, mostly.
The whole family sang for pleasure and in church in groups or solo. I sang on the radio from age 5-10 in the 50’s. I had to memorize all the songs, so they are all somewhere in my head. I always sang in choirs and I often sing for people who are dying, songs of heaven to help them across.
Lou loved music as much or more than I and broadened my horizons from hymns to praise songs and all the jazz, classics, band music and John Phillip Souza, and what he classified as true music. There was never a day in our life when there wasn’t some music playing in our home.
Here’s just a few: I Got You, Babe, All I need is the Air that I breathe, Fix You, SlowPoke, We’ll sing in the Sunshine, I’ll be Seeing You, What’ll I Do?, Fix Your Eyes on Jesus, Answer (Sara MaLachlan) Call Me Irresponsible, Bridge Over Troubled Waters, Lilly Marlene, Take It to The Limit, The Wiffinpoof Song.
The last one, I will tell you about… In junior high, I was in a girl’s chorus and we learned the Wiffinpoof Song. My 2 best girlfriends and I loved to sing it together any time. We were in the woods in Northern Michigan having just girl time at the family cabin and driving through a meadow. There was a small herd of deer together. We rolled down the window and decided to sing the Wiffinpoof song to them. They all raised their heads and listened to the whole song then all took off into the woods. Every song has a memory or emotion attached to it. It is different for every human, but one of the greatest gifts from God that we ever get.
What a funny story! I have a similar one only I was singing “The Final Countdown” from Europe with my buddies in Vegas, and a whole giant group of people chimed in with us!
I love the song Bridge Over Troubled Water. Truly one of the most beautiful songs ever written. And wonderfully performed. I encourage you to go on YouTube and watch when Simon and Garfunkel performed it when they were inducted into the Rock n’ Roll Hall Of Fame. AMAZING
Thank you for your strength, Anne.