Stubborn Love | The Power of Lyrics
“Its better to feel pain, than nothing at all.
The opposite of love is indifference.”
It was around 10:30 on a Wednesday night, and there I was, driving out to Laguna Hills to bring someone who had passed away into our care. Only this time I was not going to be calling a stranger to let them know their loved one was in our care. I was not going to fill out any paperwork with a strange name at the heading, nor was I going to be setting up an appointment for the family to meet an Arranger.
The man I was receiving was my great-uncle. I was going to be calling my grandmother (telling her that her brother was in our care), and I was going to be writing a name I had heard my entire life into our log.
I had received the call about his somewhat “expected” death about 2 hours earlier. I had been out playing a night round of disc-golf with some of my closest friends. When I told them I was leaving early to go comfort my mother and grandmother, they shook my hand, hugged me, gave their condolences, and wished me well. I was fine. In fact, I was more than fine. I was relieved.
My Uncle Jim was someone who could be easily forgotten. Not by choice, but by comfort. He was an addict, a borderline recluse, and a common dealer of the ‘ol disappearing act. I had maybe met him a dozen times in my 23 years, and each time there was a complaint about him. I had never really grown close to him. He was family but felt more like an acquaintance.
Yet even still, there I was, driving out to work on my night off, ready to make sure he had a good reception into the mortuary Care Center.
As I pulled into the parking lot, I got an idea. I parked, and I walked over to the Seven-Eleven in our neighboring shopping complex. I bought a Monster energy drink, and a pack of Marlboro Reds. I haven’t smoked since I started working for the mortuary, but Reds were (Uncle) Jim’s favorite. I searched for a lighter in my car, put my Amazon Kindle music player on shuffle, and took a long drag out of the cigarette. The first song started playing, and it broke me down.
The song that came on was “Stubborn Love” by The Lumineers. For those of you who have never heard it, it is about a gentleman involved with a woman who is always letting him down. She lies, steals from him, and cheats but yet he still loves her. He still is trying to find a way to make it work.
The song made me realize what and why I was doing what I was doing. The fact that Jim had caused so much pain in our family was thrown out the window. I realized my indifference towards him was selfish, and that my stubborn love for one of my most distant family members led me to where I was at that exact moment. It was stubborn love that led my grandma to stay awake for almost 48 hours to make sure she was there for his final moments, and it was stubborn love that had my mom playing his favorite Elvis tunes in his ear as he lay there unconscious.
I find that some of life’s most precious lessons can be found in the lyrics of some of our favorite songs. Families usually bring in an entire playlist of music that helps them reminisce about the life their loved one led. It’s beautiful to sit in the back of the chapel and hear I Did It My Way and hum to Somewhere Over The Rainbow. Why? Because music stays with every generation to come. The lessons and memories locked into some of our favorite lyrics are going to be here forever. Some will bring us pain and sadness, but many will bring us understanding and light. From now on, Stubborn Love will forever be associated on that cold Wednesday night, in my favorite parking lot, having one of Jim’s favorite vices.
As Chuck Riccardi said a few blogs back to “Stop and smell the roses…” I encourage you to maybe stop and listen to the lyrics. It may just be the lyrics of your life, or, like in my case, someone else’s.
|| what do you think?
What songs have lyrically stood out to you?
Have you ever had a song stuck in your head? Next time, look up its lyrics and see what happens!
Do you have any songs that have a special meaning to you or a loved one?
52 Comments
Hey Michael,
I enjoyed the blog. Thank you. Music certainly invokes emotion. When my mother died back in the mid eighties, there was a Cindy Lauper song “Time after Time” that was popular and always seemed to play when I was giving her rides to radiation treatment. That song has always stuck in my brain. It certainly invoked emotion (initially sad emotions) back then but now when it happens to be played, it brings back fond memories of her. Thanks for sharing.
Fitz
Thank you for sharing Fitz. That song truly transcends generations, for I’m pretty sure i know all of the lyrics to it and I’m a 90’s kid. knowing it has a special meaning for you will make me think of you and your love for your mom from here on out.
Michael…thanks for the blog and thanks for the encouragement to stop and listen to the lyrics….I am always thinking about my dad and the song we sang at his funeral was “He Touched Me”…..I have also enjoyed the lyrics of Chris Tomlin…..
Chris Tomlin surely knows the power of lyrics. His music is elegant and meaningful, no matter which song you listen to. I’m glad you have a positive connection between his song and the memories of your father.
Hey Michael, great blog. I know how it is to break down because of a song. For the first few years after my grandma’s funeral, there were times I would hear Somewhere Over the Rainbow and break down right there. Once it happened in the middle of dinner at Rubios, it just overcame me. I cannot bring myself to listen to certain songs played at Casey’s funeral like My Life by the Beatles or Ripple by the Grateful Dead because I don’t think I could keep my composure. It’s been a year, but still too soon to hear those ones, too much emotion involved. It’s sad, but beautiful at the same time, that songs and lyrics can bring back memories as if they just happened.
Oh Shasteroo. What a gift it is to have 2 specific songs to give you memory of a brother that will truly never be forgotten. I have a feeling that breaking down isn’t going to go away for a long time, but I’m curious, is it still as painful as the first time you heard them? or after a year are you staring to feel a little bit of happiness in his memory or any relief that he is not in pain?
It is still as painful, because the year seems to have gone by so fast, many days it feels as if no time has passed at all and suddenly I’ve just fast forwarded into the future. It’s a pretty weird feeling, but yeah, still very very fresh. I know what you mean though, with my grandma I have reached the point of feeling happiness upon thinking of her and knowing she is okay where she is and out of pain. It is hard to imagine feeling that way with Casey now, but I have that to look forward to..
Michael,
Great Blog. I listen to music all the time. I believe that the right song can get you through just about anything. In particular for me, Dave Matthews does that for me. Sometimes the right song can get you through some of the hardest and even some of the greatest times. I appreciate your perspective on this.
LONG LIVE THE 90’s! I love Dave Mathews. Now, I don’t have an addiction, and can only take him in doses, but he truly is a gifted musician and song writer. Thanks Elsa
Michael,
I love the way songs can put us in a trance, of sorts, and allow us to succumb to feelings that may not surface without the words that are being sung to us through the radio.
I love that even though your uncle was a bit of an outcast and you did not experience a close relationship….you took time out and honored him.
That tells me about your heart. I am proud of what you did and I can tell you first hand the way reading about it affected your Grammy Pat today.
Thank you for writing this….
Lori
I find myself entranced more often than not. I would always play “guess the artist” or “finish the lyrics” with my dad in the car, so I have this immediate focus that kicks in whenever a recognizable song comes on. When I finally snap out it, it feels like a refreshing splash of water on the face. Does this just happen to me? who knows. Thanks so much for the feedback Lori.