The Legacy Keeper
The Legacy Keeper: A Celebrant’s Gift to Me
My brother Jim had died on February 19th just over a month ago. The Sunday after my family gathered on that warm afternoon to share all of the stories we had accumulated throughout his lifetime. We (2 of my brother’s children, all 4 of mine + grandkids galore) had come to meet Keith Page, our Funeral Celebrant. I had briefly met Keith last year when he and Ty Rose, another Celebrant, came to our Mortuary to provide us with a glimpse of what a Celebrant service looks like. Little did I know that one year later he would be sitting in front of us, promising to tell our story.
Keith arrived on time. His dark hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and his smile shown through a dark beard speckled with white . . . a profound sense of comfort settled throughout the crowded room . . .
After circling the room meeting our clan, he explained that he was here to capture the essence of the father, brother and uncle who had died. He wanted to hear not only the stories filled with life, love and fun, but also the heartbreaking truths about who this man was and the effect that he had on our lives. He was here to tell our story but, more importantly, to tell my brother’s story. A story of love and loss, heartache and pain. Of wanting to do good, but never figuring out how. A story of someone lost and then found. A story, when told would heal our pain. I didn’t know just how that would happen but I trusted the man who cared enough to let us speak the truth.
I shared my memories of my brother, of his life as a child, how proud he was to be a Corporal in the Marine Corps and serve his country in Vietnam. I recalled his struggles with PTSD, his addictions to opiates, and the lifelong demons that held onto him. I watched as Keith wrote on that big yellow legal pad with a bold, black marker. It seemed strange at first, but then I realized that he was writing with permanence and sweeping strokes the words that made up the legacy of my brother’s life.
Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/sharrocks
As each of my kids brought their uncle into view, I was taken back by what they remembered. His favorite clichés, the cars he drove, his obsession with Peterbilt Trucks and the little girl slumber parties he crashed, performing his famous Elvis impression with a hairbrush for a microphone and dancing with each little girl. With a tube of lipstick he conned out of me, he would sign their little arms with “Elvis”. He was a wonderful playmate and they adored him. As I listened to them remember, tears sprang and earlier, happier memories flooded my soul. This was the man I wanted to remember. These were the days filled with life and laughter.
Then Keith looked over to my niece, Jim’s daughter Jayme, and said, “I haven’t heard from you yet.” She paused, and then said words that broke my heart, “I’ve been listening to all of the stories my cousins have been telling . . . and I don’t have any good memories to tell.” Too many broken promises had led his children into estrangement from their dad. I moved him from Oregon to California with a small hope of reconciliation but nothing changed until the night of his death when Jayme came. Keith asked if she would like to write a letter to her dad, she said she would but didn’t want to read it at the service herself. Keith lovingly said, “I will read your words.” Three and a half hours later, with legal pad in hand, Keith left us.
I was exhausted, emotionally and physically spent, and as I looked around the room, so was my family. There were tears and hugs, sighs and laughter, as we continued to recount the memories that filled the room that day.
Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/brandonsyn
Out of the stories emerged the man I wanted to remember, the man that I wanted to honor. I saw that he was worthy and that I was now the keeper of his legacy.
I miss him. When thoughts of him come rushing at me there will be tears and moments of great sadness. But I do know that for our family, using Celebrant helped us to honor and pay tribute to my brother. After that family meeting my heart felt renewed and at peace. We had created his legacy.
|| what do you think?
– How does this idea of the “Family Meeting” strike you?
Is it intimidating or inviting?
– Would you like to meet Keith? Click here & come to our Art Show!
62 Comments
Pat,
I think the idea of the family meeting is so vital. I see it so important for families to come together to be able to share all the different stories about a persons life and for someone as talented and spot on as someone like keith to be able to share all those stories in such a beautiful way. It is so much more personal than a “Standard” celebration. I don’t see it the least bit intimidating. I am so glad that you and your family had the opportunity to experience exactly what a celebration of life really is, with this blessings of a celebrant.
Elsa,
I’m so very thankful that you and the rest of our team support and encourage families to think about using a Funeral Celebrant. I, for one, did not totally realize just how important this is for families who do not have a church home, or have a loved one who may have had a past that is not something they want to share. I can tell you that we all have things in our lives that have hurt or embarrassed our family or friends. Even so, there are many good things as well to share and bring forth. Celebrants weave the story to bring a life into view. How much better we all would be on our healing journey, if those things are brought to life, shared and then honor that person for who they were. I’m an advocate for life!
Thank you & Love to you,
Pat
Hi Pat,
What an incredible transformational service you and your family (with Keith’s help:-) arranged to honor all facets of your brother’s life. It’s been amazing to watch how that one decision – to have a viewing and celebrant service – has impacted the direction of your family’s grief.
It was truly a meaningful and healing service. To hear from you how this has helped your niece process her complicated grief is a testament to the family meeting. Thanks for sharing and for your family being bold and willing to share all facets of your brother’s life so all in attendance could get a full picture of a life lived.
FItz
My dear friend . . . thank you so much for honoring my family with your presence at my brother’s service. I have been so amazed by the response from friends, family and colleagues about how much we honored my sweet brother and, more importantly, how we told his story. It really has become the legacy and healing experience I wanted to provide my little family. Keith was extraordinary in allowing us to express our deepest thoughts, good and not so good, and create memories that will last. I believe with all my heart that Celebrants can capture the essence of a person and lay before the participants their very unique life story.
Lovingly,
Pat
My Sweet Cousin . .
Thank you so much for commenting on my Blog. I’m so glad that you were able to see the webcast and feel somewhat like you were there with us. We all have a story to tell, and his was told with all the love we could muster. Our meeting with Keith was like a healing balm to my soul. It was such a very sad day for me, but as I look back, I know that it has given me great peace of mind. He was so loved, and honored.
I love you so very much!
Patty
What a great memory to have with all your family members gathered to talk about a man who had such an impact on your families life!
This post has made me rethink the term family meeting and to see the effect a celebrant has: they help create a space that allows people to be heard and honestly and openly share their memories.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post!
Lauren . . the “family meeting” you have in the arrangement, in some ways, is much like the one we had with Keith. You bring comfort and empathy to those who have yet to show you their very real, raw feelings. For my family, there was a sense of peace and healing just getting everything “out in the open!” I know that the families we serve feel that same sense of peace knowing you are going to take care of everything they want. I highly encourage the use of a Celebrant when the need arises. They are a gift . . . as you are!
Love
Pat
Pat,
I am so honored to have been able to be working your families service. I get to see Keith a lot in action, but to know the family he is helping, gave me a deeper respect
for what he really does. The way he is able to connect is second to none. I
wish I could’ve used his services when my father and uncle were killed. I will always keep a celebrant in mind. I think it is an inviting time when Keith wants to have a sit down with you. So he can gather as much information to tell your loved ones story. To help your family heal, to pay tribute, to create an experience that will stay with you forever.
Love,
Erin
Thank you, Erin.
My family and I were blessed to see your sweet face there and to know you would take care of every need. My brother, as you heard, was complicated, and struggled with life and family. Being able to share HIS story as we were able to reflect, gave us the first steps in healing some of the disconnects we had with him. I miss him everyday, and have watched the video several times. My memories are precious and I will hold him close to my heart forever. Thank you for being there for me and my family. We will never forget you!
Lovingly,
Pat