Do you Believe in Lies? I have – and I probably still do.
Do you believe in lies? I have – and I probably still do.
This concept of “believing lies” is fairly new to me, something that I feel is just dawning as a realization.
I have believed lies about myself for a long time. I began to realize this when I noticed a strange little voice that would sneak up inside of me at some of my more vulnerable times and say things like, “Oh dear, Molly, that was a weird thing to do,” “They think you’re stupid,” “You shouldn’t have made that decision,” “They don’t like you,” etc . . . These phrases sound sort of strange all linked together but these were some of the things this voice would say to me. It said them so subtly that I went years, decades, without knowing.
This voice appears usually in my more vulnerable moments where I feel insecure and find myself second-guessing whatever I’ve done or said. It knows my insecurities and fears and it preys upon them, growing them into such big ideas or strongly rooted beliefs that I have believed dark and horrible things about myself – that I wasn’t worth anything, that I’m a failure, that I’m fooling people & I’m really a stupid, sham of a girl.
Harsh, isn’t it?
But I have a hunch that you believe things like this, too. Here’s why I think that; I had the idea to write this blog somewhere around 8 months ago & had planned to share it on a private little forum of my own. I never did. I began thinking, “No one will read it or like it, other people don’t have these voices, everyone will think it’s a stupid idea”. It took a long time, 6 months, before I realized that those were lies.
This has been the hardest blog I’ve had to write but I think it’s important, I think you and I deserve to know that this voice I hear & believe is a false one that wants me to fail, wants me to remain insecure & stumbling over myself.
I won’t do it anymore.
Now I can identify the lies fairly quickly, it seems as though they come in questions at times – like proposals to me that I can choose to believe or reject. Other times it seems like a loud voice yelling at me telling me in a confident anger how I’ve failed. I hear the voice & I stop it. I say to it (in my head & sometimes aloud) “No, that’s not true and I’m not going to believe that about myself. That’s not true and what you’re saying has no power here”. Responding that way has helped a lot, I find a lot of unreasonable guilt has left me, I feel more healthy emotionally, and my relationships are more open & honest.
I encourage you to identify beliefs you hold about yourself that aren’t true – this is no easy task as the voice has probably been speaking to you since you were a child & it’s hard to pull apart such deep-rooted lies – but you can do it & you need to.
Consider this when looking for those lies: What are your insecurities? Where are you most vulnerable? What about yourself do you treasure the most? – These are the areas I have experienced the most attack & self-doubt.
If you want to further explore this topic I highly recommend reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis – it is an incredible, fascinating, and brain-punching book on how Satan works upon our minds & insecurities; on how he lies to us. Read it, you’ll be blown away – Screwtape is alive and well.
What lies do you believe?
Have you considered this concept before?
What is your action plan to combat these?
31 Comments
Molly,
First, I applaud you for ignoring your inner voice and having the guts to post something so personal.
Second, it has to be Satan working on the mind of a gorgeous , brilliant , funny and wonderful girl to make you feel any less than all of these adjectives.
Finally, I think we all have a form of that voice or times when we second guess ourselves.
You can imagine I have thought, “why did I say that?” many times.
Your mind and inner voice can bring a great deal of anxiety over something that others have likely not given a second thought.
Thank you for the post and the reading suggestion. I should probably come to you for reading material instead of choosing my own.
Love you!
Lori
You are so sweet, Lori! You totally should read that book, but if you’re thinking it might be too dense (I really struggle with non-fiction) I recommend the daily inspirations book that they have out for him. It’s terrific. Thank you so much for your sweet response! I’m glad it connected with you.
Molly
Molly
Inner fears and listening to the lying voice of defeat and discouragement goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and that darn Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. I’ve taken too much ownership of mine way too much of the time and allowed it to hamper my abilities and possibilities. It is part of the struggle we call life. Identifying the enemy is step one, resisting is step two. Acting on a good thing anyway is step three. Being reminded is wonderful. Thank you for not accepting the doubts as truth and posting. Thank you for doing all three! Big Hugs, Anne
Anne,
I love the steps you’ve thought through. I’m still working hard on 1 & 2, 3 is a bit off in the future but I know I’m going to get there. Thank you so much for the encouragement, I’m so glad this connected with you.
Molly
Molly,
I have fought this too. All my life. Dr. Daniel Amen of the Amen clinic has a chapter in his book “Change your Brain, Change Your Life” where he refers to A.N.T.s, automatic negative thoughts. He contends that we all have them and don’t even think to question them. You take it to the next step and not just question “are they true?” but reject them outright. Those ANTs form neural pathways that we tend to run down over and over. I have needed outside help to gain perspective and to fight the “addiction to a certain kind of sadness” (a lyric from “Somebody That I Used to Know – Gotye) that has been my company for too much of my life.
We are complex beings, body, mind and spirit. As our friend Dan McQuoid says, it is never just the mind, just the body or just the spirit, they are all connected. One affects the other. This difficult topic you have tackled is more prevalent than we think. Thank you for taking the risk in writing and posting this for all to see. To some people this may sound crazy because they don’t find themselves thinking this way. There may come a season in their life where they do. I think your post will be helpful to anyone who experiences self doubt and a negative self image.
Sincerely,
Jeff
Jeff!
Maybe you should write a blog post sometime soon?? I love how what you said about Dan, everything in us is so connected but we so often choose to just focus on 1 area. Thank you so much for your kind words & belief in me. Also, the ANTs sound really interesting, I’ve got to get myself into that book. I’d love to change my brain some more!
Love you so,
Molly
Molly,
One of the more insidious aspects of this is the inability to accept the “good things” that people say about you. Those compliments tend to bounce right off because that voice then says, “If they really knew me, they would not say a single nice thing about me.” So, not only do we believe the “lies”, we cannot believe the “truth” of other’s perceptions of us. Man, I am really messed up!
Giving up on this for a little while…
Jeff
Molly,
Thank you for being brave and letting your inner most thoughts come to the page. As Lori noted, I’m glad you did not listen to that ego that holds us back. All of us travel this road, some realize it and some don’t, hopefully your blog will turn the switch for a few of us. Why do we feel the need to deem ourselves not worthy of achieving greatness. We all come from a source of abundant goodness, creativity and love, yet as we grow older and sometimes colder we lose focus. This concept of controlling and directing your thoughts is easier said then done, but nothing worthwhile or important is ever easy. I try and live in the now, this helps me appreciate the moment in front of me and takes me away from negative thoughts of the past or future. Do negative thoughts creep into my mind, yes, but like you I can now acknowledge them and banish them from my life of joy and gratitude. There is no destination that brings us happiness and love, it is the constant journey and the moment right in front of us that can set us free… Enjoy! Chuck.
Beautifully said, Chuck! I love your focus & philosophy that making the most of each moment and event is how we can be mindful of & squash negative thoughts/ideas. I love what you said about destinations, they may be the reason for the journey but they don’t lessen the importance of what we learn on the way.
Thank you so much for your great response!
Molly, this is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing such a personal insight. I think your inner voice has been the same one in my head my whole life. I’m constantly hearing invisible voices that tell me how stupid, ugly or ridiculous I am. And I believe it. It doesn’t help that I truly do dumb things occasionally, it just fuels the voices into a mind burning inferno that leaves me exhausted & defeated. My intent is to stop listening to & believing what the voices say to me. Thank you for giving me courage & strength! XOXOX Carrie
I love you Carrie!
I’m glad you pointed out that we do still do dumb things, things that DO deserve some criticism. I don’t want to cut out common sense & think that I’m never wrong but the challenge is to move past the mistake. The voices don’t let you do that, or at least their goal is to keep you as miserable for as long as possible. Thanks for introducing the practical side of this & keeping it real.