Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert? A Few Ways to Figure out YOU.
Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert?
I’ve grown up in a home with parents that are on the extreme ends of this spectrum. My dad is a wise, quiet, extremely intelligent man who can be talkative and expressive but prefers, or at least is more often reserved and happy to be alone. My mom is the opposite. The woman loves parties, people, always has stories to tell and can be heard laughing all the time. I love that about her, but I also love my dad’s peaceful and much more contemplative existence.
I had always thought I needed to be one or the other; I couldn’t be both and whichever one I was I needed to figure it out and then either be like my dad or like my mom. Problem: I am like them, I’m like both of them and therefore, unlike either one. I have individual tendencies that I ignored for a long time as I struggled to fit into a definition of myself that didn’t fit.
Growing up I believed that I was an extrovert and that I needed to be hanging out with friends ALL THE TIME. I continued in that philosophy in high school and early college but as I began to progress in my education I realized that I preferred the quiet sanctum of the library to the noisy social areas on campus. I’d rather be inside, snug and secure amongst some cherished books than outdoors with . . . people.
Talking to a friend I told him, “Well, when I’m at school or work I can be extroverted but when I get home I’m introverted”. He said, “Molly, that’s not how it works, you’re introverted all the time but you’re able to socialize and enjoy it – the difference is that people drain you rather than excite you, but you can still like talking to them” – in other words, being an introvert doesn’t mean I have to be stuck in a library all the time or that I should be an extremely socially awkward person. Thank goodness!
It’s taken me many years to come to the conclusion that I am an introvert; but I am learning that I am not my dad’s version of it. I am a blend of both my parents and while I lean much more strongly into the introverted spectrum I’ve realized that I’m allowed to feel like talking, socializing and going places – it doesn’t mean I’m being fake or insincere, it means I’m actually being more real, more ME than I’ve been before.
I see some of the differences this way,
You might be an extrovert if:
- people energize you and make you feel alive
- the idea of solitude is terrifying to you, you’d rather be with some good friends or out for a spontaneous evening of fun
- you have many friends that are easy to keep up with and small talk doesn’t make you cringe
You might be an introvert if:
- people drain your energy instead of replenish it
- you enjoy times of solitude and seek them out as a treat for yourself
- you are imaginative, perhaps romantic and probably sentimental – these are signs of your inner-self at work and parts of us that most extroverts I know don’t really access.
What are you?
If you still have questions about introversion or would like to know more about how it is being discussed in the media today check out this video link: Susan Cain: The power of introverts. The book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking also by Susan Cain (yes, the speaker in the video link) is available at your local bookstores and ready for you to peruse. She has some absolutely fascinating information and statistics on introversion and extroversion and no matter where you fall in this spectrum, her information will help you to understand yourself and those around you in a deeper and more insightful way.
So, be honest with yourself, where do you fall in this spectrum?
Has accepting this been difficult of you?
How do you appease your introverted/extroverted needs?
33 Comments
I am thinking we are the same. I think way too deeply to be an extrovert, yet when the situation calls for it, I can call up my social skills and have a grand time. I don’t have to be the center of attention, but enjoy watching the antics of others.
I run estate sales as my second job. I look forward to the actual days of the sale because I love to see the “regulars” who have become friends and love the activity and craziness of it. I love to be going and doing everything life has to offer. Yet I love my quiet alone time as well. So, what does that make me???
I think you’re an introvert, Anne. You’re good at all of it but what you prefer – quiet time, and where you go when you’re alone – into your head, is pretty telling of an introverted spirit. I enjoy coming to work to see my friends, people I’ve known for a long time – like your regulars. When there is a relationship built up I’m happy to be there but when I’m put in situations with strangers I feel really uncomfortable & I close up. It’s nice to know there are others out there who feel like me & I’m glad you’re one of them!
Molly,
Thank goodness you are not just like me! Thankfully you have some of your Mom’s best traits that make you the amazing individual that you are. I hope that you would aspire to be what you perceive as the best of both of us, plus the individual that God made. And I pray that you will identify the traits in me that are not desirable because we learn from both positive and negative examples.
That first night that I held you as your mother was resting in the hospital bed, I looked at you in wonder. The wonder of who you were, who you would be. It has been an amazing journey to watch you reveal yourself to the world and grow into who you were destined to be. Thank you for making me think and introducing so many fascinating things in life I would have missed without you.
Pops
You are the sweetest . I am so grateful for the examples you have both been to me of how life can be lived well but in different ways. Thank you for your precious & sweet words, you & your heart mean more to me than I can say.
Love you, Dad.
Molly,
This is a great post. I realize I am both. Many may be shocked because I come off as an extrovert and I am energized by people. The truth is I really enjoy my alone time and try to fit it in whenever possible. Maybe it’s the only child thing.
Thanks for keeping me thinking and learning about myself!
xoxo
Lori
My theory is if you say you’re “both” you’re probably more of an extrovert? What do you think? The idea that Susan Cain states is that most people are dominant in one way or the other and a few are ambiverts – both intro & extroverts.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post & I think you’ve got something interesting there with “the only child thing” – probably a lot like being home-schooled – we can amuse ourselves anywhere, anytime!
Miss Molly,
Knowing you as a baby and toddler, and then having you back in my life now as an adult has been truly amazing!! I was an “adult” the whole time, and that is too weird!! I want to say that I believe you have an amazing grasp of YOU! It’s what I would’ve said about the “baby” YOU too. What you’ve done is made me think about me, and as I am often called “demonstrative & gregarious” many times I am more comfortable in intimate settings. I love quiet days, that hold nothing more for me but a comfy sofa, a hot tea, and a good book. Especially in Autumn and Winter months. Then in the Summer a raft in the pool, a cool drink, and a book. Thank you for this blog, I’ve always been told I’m an extrovert, and while I am perfectly comfortable in social setting, my true self enjoys the quiet of thought, warmth, and nature. I don’t necessarily feel that makes me an introvert, maybe just an extrovert that needs a break? Ha Ha!!
Write On Sweet Girl!!
Kari
Kari,
I think there is totally something seasonal about my moods similar to what you described. I tend to hibernate in those wintery months but there is literally no time of the year when I feel more alive or excited. I live for October every year and the months after. But I think you are right about yourself, “an extrovert that needs a break”! I love that! AND that is really what I’m trying to get at, we are all something but we do need a break from it or a change up every now and then to keep things interesting. Thanks for sharing!
I’m definitely a balance between toward both…I lean towards extroversion and am energized by being around people, but I need a daily time along with God for prayer, reading scripture, favorite books and writing in my journal.
This helps me keep life in perspective as I seek the true source of life.
I admire your ability to move through both with ease – I think that is a great gift that God has used uniquely in you. Thanks for reading, sharing & being such a great supporter of the blog!