Why Thinking About Death is Actually Good for You
It seems that most people generally fall into one of these two categories when it comes to thinking about death;
1. Total Avoidance: Death freaks you out, you don’t like how it makes you feel so you choose not to think about it (because that’s going to help). Some people cope with their fear of death by dieting, working out, and worrying about their body. Others are fearful of taking risks or doing potentially dangerous things, even basic sports. People can live their lives in bubbles from a fear of dying when they are arguably, in far more danger of never living.
2. Comfortable & Curious: As much as is possible, you’ve come to terms with the fact that you’ll die. Perhaps you’ve seen a parent die and instead of fear there is a certain sense of peace and acceptance you feel when death comes up and you aren’t afraid to talk to others about it or ask about their stories.
I’ve seen both people, they’re very easy to tell apart. When someone asks me where I work they tend to either respond with silence (afraid of death) or they share with me a story of someone close to them who isn’t doing well or who has died (facing a need to accept or already have accepted death).
There is something about seeing death in the day-to-day that I’ve been told puts you in danger of being jaded or insensitive but it hasn’t had that effect as of yet. I’ve found that it has helped me accept the frequency, and understand some level of the magnitude on which death occurs. It has also made me see with so much clarity the freedom of living in the light of knowing you will die vs. the paralysis that can come with living in constant fear of death.
Here are a few death-related things that might surprise you:
– Thinking about death promotes healthy and pro-social behaviors at least according to this article. Just walking by a cemetery can cause you to think and create positive changes in your life – pretty cool right?
– There is an app for EVERYTHING and there is one that will tell you how much time you have left on this earth. iDie calculates your life expectancy from your birthdate and shows you how much time you’ve probably got left. In other words, it doesn’t allow you to forget that you’re dying and what’s the point in forgetting?
– Thinking about death could make you funnier – this may sound crass but I’ve noticed that the deeper the pain the easier the laugh. Our mortuary is filled with some of the funniest people I know, these same people are also some of the most dedicated, compassionate and deeply sensitive people you could ever meet. It’s a matter of balance like all things, but when you work at a mortuary you are entitled to have a few laughs (in my opinion).
– Thinking about death can make you value life more – this article talks about a study that found people who wrote about their own mortality or other death related topics reported lower levels of depression, increased self-esteem and higher motivation.
– Way more people talk about death than you think – this is my own conjecture but I’m fairly certain it’s true. In our love of people, of life, of moments we realize they don’t last forever and as we think about endings we think about death. People think it sounds macabre to say but if we were all just honest, we’d find we weren’t as alone in our thoughts and I think the world, would honestly, be a better place.
So that ought to sum it up; you should think about death more. Not much more perhaps, but give it your attention when you’ve got the time and energy to do so. Maybe even walk by that cemetery for some value-adding, life-changing vibes.
If you’re intrigued by this idea, I’ve got an interesting challenge for you. Have a go at writing your own obituary, see what you say about yourself, your life, your family – I think it will be a more positive experience then you think (at least I hope so).
Death is a profound and thought-provoking subject that can, if given enough thought, change your life.
|| what do you think?
– Do you think about death?
– Is it uncomfortable or a welcome topic?
– Have you noticed any positive changes from thinking about it?
45 Comments
Hi Molly,
I didn’t think about death very often until I started working in this industry. I’m interested in the families, survivors and how the death impacts their lives, what kind of life lessons have been passed on. I like what Jeff has quoted from Ecc 7:2-4. Please keep bringing up subjects that intrigue.
Mitch,
I love what Jeff wrote, too. Your interest in the legacy is an interesting one – I’m sure you work services where there is joy, a productive life, and lives changed for the better – and then I’m sure there are other services where the purpose is less clear, or, the families we help who have no services – what was the legacy there?
I will strive to keep you intrigued – thanks so much for what you do!
Molly
Molly –
We live in the land of the dying and the dead. Crazy to think not many people don’t understand this is a temporary gig, no gets out of here alive. I try and live my life to the fullest knowing that soon this will be over before I know it. Having Jesse Joe in my life has made me think about living a more balanced life. The balancing between, work, family, fun, working out, spending time with friends and alone time is fun to keep it all in balance. When I start to stress out over stuff, I try and take a step back and realize that nothing is really worth the energy of stressing out about. I like your thought provoking blog this week, thank you for helping me realize I am half dead already, yet fully alive still!
Neil,
You’re so right on. I know that this last week I held a baby in my arms in the evening when in the morning I had listened to the tragic story of a senior suicide. The journey of life was a full-circle reality for me that day and you see so clearly how the choices we make define how we live and how we die.
Thank you for sharing your growth and how Jesse has challenged and helped you to live in a way that is truly better for you.
Molly
Molly,
Even though we are surrounded by death daily I never think about my own death. I feel I am so focused on others that I forget to think of myself. I am very curious about what it will be like. I am excited about it for sure. My faith helps bring comfort and solace. I know that is is going to happen I just don’t know when.
Thanks for making me actually think about it. Quite an interesting thing for sure.
Amy
Amy,
There is so much to be said for a hope that goes beyond the grave – I don’t know how families cope with a loss or how people think about dying when there is no hope of a life after. It certainly does help with the fear factor but it still warrants our thought and time.
I hope, if/when you begin thinking about it, it is an overall positive experience. I know that you are still very focused on your father’s death and that is completely understandable. We don’t have time to think about our own when we are trying to understand someone else’s.
Thank you for sharing, Amy!
Molly
Molly,
Death. I have to say, even though I am a Mortician, I am somewhat afraid of the word. I guess it’s because I have a wild imagination. When I drive home, I sometimes think, what if that where me. What am I going to do when my mother or father passes? And when it is a child… Ohhh Boy! Sounds selfish, but I think about what I am going to do when my loved one passes and it’s scary. I feel for the families we serve who have to bury their loved one. The pain they must be feeling and the emptiness that will never be filled. I have not always been this way. Actually, only been since I have become a mother. My sense of mortality birghtened and sure enough, I realized I wasn’t super woman anymore. Or were my loved ones.
On the bright side, knowing that life can be swept from right underneath your feet, I live a wonderful life and am thankful everyday for what I have. Not a day goes by that I don’t say I love to my family!
Thank you for your post. It was enlightening.
Joanna
Joanna, the power of children is incredible. I know just with my new nephew I’ve seen a beauty in birth that shocked me and my world of death.
I don’t think it’s selfish or bad at all to think about our loved ones dying – as you said, it helps you remember to tell them that you love them – I think it can even help our relationships as we tend to not hold on to the pettier things when the realization of “what if … ” is always with us.
I so appreciate your thoughts, really wonderful.
Thank you!
Molly
Molly…..Obviously I think about death everyday here at O’Connor Mortuary….but I think about it in a positive way and I think about trying to live today as though it were my last, because there is no promise of tomorrow…when my head hits the pillow at night, I don’t want to have any regrets that I wasted today….but that I tried to make a difference in someone’s life….Mark
That’s so wonderful, Mark. I love your goal to not live through a wasted day – the events that matter don’t have to be earth-shattering, but I think you can rest well each night knowing the difference you are making for people at work on a daily basis.
What peace there is in knowing you helped someone – I love it.
Thank you for sharing!
Molly