Why Thinking About Death is Actually Good for You
It seems that most people generally fall into one of these two categories when it comes to thinking about death;
1. Total Avoidance: Death freaks you out, you don’t like how it makes you feel so you choose not to think about it (because that’s going to help). Some people cope with their fear of death by dieting, working out, and worrying about their body. Others are fearful of taking risks or doing potentially dangerous things, even basic sports. People can live their lives in bubbles from a fear of dying when they are arguably, in far more danger of never living.
2. Comfortable & Curious: As much as is possible, you’ve come to terms with the fact that you’ll die. Perhaps you’ve seen a parent die and instead of fear there is a certain sense of peace and acceptance you feel when death comes up and you aren’t afraid to talk to others about it or ask about their stories.
I’ve seen both people, they’re very easy to tell apart. When someone asks me where I work they tend to either respond with silence (afraid of death) or they share with me a story of someone close to them who isn’t doing well or who has died (facing a need to accept or already have accepted death).
There is something about seeing death in the day-to-day that I’ve been told puts you in danger of being jaded or insensitive but it hasn’t had that effect as of yet. I’ve found that it has helped me accept the frequency, and understand some level of the magnitude on which death occurs. It has also made me see with so much clarity the freedom of living in the light of knowing you will die vs. the paralysis that can come with living in constant fear of death.
Here are a few death-related things that might surprise you:
– Thinking about death promotes healthy and pro-social behaviors at least according to this article. Just walking by a cemetery can cause you to think and create positive changes in your life – pretty cool right?
– There is an app for EVERYTHING and there is one that will tell you how much time you have left on this earth. iDie calculates your life expectancy from your birthdate and shows you how much time you’ve probably got left. In other words, it doesn’t allow you to forget that you’re dying and what’s the point in forgetting?
– Thinking about death could make you funnier – this may sound crass but I’ve noticed that the deeper the pain the easier the laugh. Our mortuary is filled with some of the funniest people I know, these same people are also some of the most dedicated, compassionate and deeply sensitive people you could ever meet. It’s a matter of balance like all things, but when you work at a mortuary you are entitled to have a few laughs (in my opinion).
– Thinking about death can make you value life more – this article talks about a study that found people who wrote about their own mortality or other death related topics reported lower levels of depression, increased self-esteem and higher motivation.
– Way more people talk about death than you think – this is my own conjecture but I’m fairly certain it’s true. In our love of people, of life, of moments we realize they don’t last forever and as we think about endings we think about death. People think it sounds macabre to say but if we were all just honest, we’d find we weren’t as alone in our thoughts and I think the world, would honestly, be a better place.
So that ought to sum it up; you should think about death more. Not much more perhaps, but give it your attention when you’ve got the time and energy to do so. Maybe even walk by that cemetery for some value-adding, life-changing vibes.
If you’re intrigued by this idea, I’ve got an interesting challenge for you. Have a go at writing your own obituary, see what you say about yourself, your life, your family – I think it will be a more positive experience then you think (at least I hope so).
Death is a profound and thought-provoking subject that can, if given enough thought, change your life.
|| what do you think?
– Do you think about death?
– Is it uncomfortable or a welcome topic?
– Have you noticed any positive changes from thinking about it?
45 Comments
Hey Molly,
I prefer to think of the topic as the end of living. It helps me to remind myself to live life to it’s fullest. No one gets outta here alive, right? So make the most of it.
While I don’t always practice what I preach, I do admire those people in my life who live their life that way. Great thought provoking topic. Thanks!
Fitz
Thank you Fitz!
I don’t know if ANYONE ever lives the way all the slogans caution us to, but I think that’s ok, too. I know I spend some time each day doing something mindless – it’s almost an equivalent to sleep for my mind – I need it and it helps me function later. I’m usually NOT changing a life in that moment but it’s not wasted either.
Thanks so much for your comment!
Molly
Molly,
Something struck me in this blog. I am fearful of taking risks. Skydiving, rock climbing, flying. I avoid these activities and I’ve always attributed it to a fear of heights, but I believe now that I am afraid of dying. I need to really think about this more, because I know where I’m going, maybe I’m just afraid of going now.
I’ll get back to you. I’m faced with death every day, but am only afraid of it in any kind of “me not in control” activity.
wow! Thanks Molls!!
kari
So interesting Kari! Thank you for sharing your insight. It’s amazing how much we think we know about ourselves and how sometimes our claims of self are just a shadow of something so much more substantial. I’m excited that you’ll be thinking about this more and I hope it leads to some positive self-discovery and challenge. I know I’m afraid of those things – I’m not the thrill-seeking type, and yeah, I really don’t want THAT to be the way I go … I’m not sure if there is anything “wrong” with that on it’s own, but when we explore the idea of how “in control” we are at any given time it does challenge us to live more openly.
I hope you have time to ponder this on your vacation!
Molly
Molly!
I love that this article is light-hearted but still has a great message!
Great articles that you linked and I especially loved the line, “It has also made me see with so much clarity the freedom of living in the light of knowing you will die vs. the paralysis that can come with living in constant fear of death.” iDie is too funny, even some of the comments about the app had some interesting insights. I think that it’s healthy to think about your mortality and it’s great when life changing decisions come from it. Thank you for sharing this!
Lauren, thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed the articles & the unique insights they offer. I know you are seeing people on a daily basis who are in one of the two camps and I’m confident you see which is more at peace and able to in turn, freely grieve vs. live in continual denial.
Thank you so much for reading, exploring & enjoying the blog!
Molly
Molly , I am very much a realist and I do understand that one day I will die so for me the best thing is to be as prepared as you can be , to think about it is healthy thoughts to avoid the thoughts to me are unhealthy. I appreciate the time I do have and live life to the best each day because as each day that is added to my life is a blessing . For every family I do help I make sure that we honor them and help tell their stories of their loved one to others and I trust my family to one day tell my story to many at my own service , where I hope will be more laughter than silence or sadness. Thanks again for allowing me the opportunity to think about what is important in life and to add to my story. Sincerely Joe Lavoie
Joe,
This is on your plate constantly with your job and additionally with the health challenges of your dear parents. It must be exhausting to be in the midst of such heavy and emotionally challenging situations. You see with clarity the beauty of each day – and let me tell you Joe, it shows. You are someone I am always happy to see and somebody who, even though life gets serious and difficult, you are still ready to feel joy and express love and compassion.
I so admire your spirit,
Molly
I do often think about death. Tomorrow is never promised to anyone, and
that tends to be how I live my life. I’ve lost quite a few people extremely close in my life, and that is all the proof I need. The topic of death is no longer a debilitating fear; we all know death is inevitable. I know that can seem a little strange and cold, but being able to see that, I believe makes me right for this job. I take great pride in being able to start a family down their journey of grief, as a service director here at O’Connor Mortuary.
Another great post Molly!
Erin
It only sounds “weird” because it is so incredibly difficult to get to your place of peace and I think most people want to think “it’s not normal” because they don’t want to go through it. But none of us are immune from death, I know we all tend toward the mindset of “it won’t be me,” but that’s just the thing, with death it someday definitely WILL be you.
Your heart and mind are in such a strong and helpful place for others, you truly are turning your own loss and tragedy into a ministry and comfort for so many.
Thank you for sharing!
Molly