“Their house is gone”: Lessons in Facing Tragedy
I’ll never forget hearing that phrase, “Their house is gone.”
I had been watching news coverage of the Silver Fire in Banning, CA all day long, vigilant because of dear friends living in that area. With my calls going straight to voice mail I decided to go to bed. The phone rang an hour later. It was a brief call because I had no words, my boyfriend only knew that our friends were able to save their dogs & themselves. I fell asleep in tears, unable to process the news just yet.
Wes, Melissa & Sky Anderson have been my friends for a couple of years. They are a wonderful family and I felt lost for them, not knowing where they were, what to do or how I could “fix” this. I knew that they only had what they were wearing at that moment, their dogs, 2 of their cars, a couple of cameras & the laundry they grabbed. Can you imagine having to grab all that is precious to you with only minutes to make the decision & take action?
What happened next took me by surprise just as much as the fire itself. I told my work family what happened & put word of the Anderson’s need out there on Facebook. They needed everything- a place to stay, clothes, food, toiletries & everything to furnish a home, when they got one.
The blessings started pouring in. Donations of every kind imaginable started showing up at my desk at work. Friends contacted me to find out how to get them housewares & furniture. Huge bags of dog & cat food, cases of water, fancy skin care products, a significant watermelon & so much more. Sky is 13 & a musician but no longer had her equipment so my band-boyfriend talked to his endorsers & got some of it replaced. The thing that made it so amazing is that nobody who donated had ever met the Andersons, they just knew they needed help.
I packed my car & boyfriend’s truck more than a dozen times with this abundance & filled their hotel room to the ceiling. What they didn’t need or couldn’t use went to the 25 other families in their area that had also lost everything. I put the word out about these other families, also in need and once again, the floodgates opened. An entire community was being blessed by complete strangers – I have never been so humbled & inspired in my life!
What I learned from the Andersons’ loss is so valuable & here are a few of my favorite examples.
• Don’t underestimate your ability to change someone’s life – It can be simple. A smile & hello in passing, a shoulder to cry on or a couple dollars. But you could spark a chain reaction of random acts of kindness, give someone the strength to face their challenges or maybe even save a life. You may never think about it again, but that person won’t forget it. Wes, Melissa & Sky are always doing good deeds & paying it forward and when they were the ones in need, I got to step in, inspired by their example. They have changed me for the better by just allowing me to help them.
• Put yourself out there sincerely – If you offer to help, be realistic, genuine & be ready to act. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver or suddenly be unavailable when they take you up on your offer. Reinforce offers to help by extending them again & again- as Neil O’Connor says, “Be bold. If you get your hand slapped once, that’s OK. Try again anyways.” The Andersons never asked for anything, even when they needed everything. They showed me that it’s OK to accept help that you haven’t asked for but truly need.
• Things are just things – We all like our things, but we can live without them if we had to. Things can be replaced but people can’t (we all know that too well). Sometimes though, it’s hard to remember that your worth is not in the things you have but in who you are.
Hand clicking Donate button drawn with white chalk on blackboard.
Melissa gave me an amazing gift recently, saying “I will never be able to repay you for helping us get back on our feet but I can give you my love & friendship.” Mel, that is the best repay possible, being worthy of your friendship.
Read Melissa’s article on what this awful experience was like by clicking here. The photos are heart-breaking. But there’s hope, there’s people & there are so many that give.
Who have you watched live through devastation?
How did you help them? What did you discover about yourself?
Thank you for sharing!
To donate to an incredible relief organization already on ground in Haiyan, helping families to re-build, click here.
24 Comments
Awesome Blog Carrie! And what a gift you were to that family. I love to see how your caring and loving attitude escapes these walls over here at O’connors.
Most people are willing to lend a hand during hard times. i’m glad people stepped up.
you never know what you hold dear till everything disappears. Thank you for your hard work & caring.
Carrie,
What am amazing thing you did for this family as well as the countless others that were affected. What a lesson learned that it is just “stuff” and we are what is important. All that can be replaced but we most certainly can’t. I am inspired to reach out and help others because it’s just the right thing to do. Thank you for putting that back into perspective.
Amy
Carrie, Great job on this blog, I am so very happy you felt comfortable enough to come to us and that we were able to help out how we can. That family is very lucky to have you as a friend. Even though most of us didn’t know the family, it still hurts when bad things happen to good people and I hope that paying it forward now may come back to me when I really need it. It just good karma and being a good person.
Jenn, thank you so much for all of your help. It truly amazes me that so many people stepped forward to help a family they didn’t know. The human spirit is compassionate by nature, I believe, and this was an unbelievable example of it. Thank you for paying it forward! Sincerely, Carrie
Hello Carrie, Your blog had an inpack on me. with the same emotion you had gone thru. This summer my dear son who leaves in Colo, where his House burn down in that terrific Forest Fire. I could not be there to help but only in given him a spirit suport and that just took everything out of me.and my children being so far away,that it broke our hearts. He had only 20 min. to get out that is how raped it burn his Home!!!!!
Then ater a few days he was able to see what was left, he just stood there in a stay of shock and just could not believe the diaster, of just ashes. Holding the tears I could see on Facebook. To see a son looose everything he worked for. As they say some unfortunate thing happen and a bleesing comes thru, He has 20 acreage of land on top of the Mountain and full coverag of insurance that save him to recover his loses and start a new and bigger home. Thank God he did the wise thing. nerver thought this would happen because it had not burn in 50 years. Bless his dear friends who help in the mean time and took him in and gave him clothing food and a place to sleep. There is hope in this world for the goodness in people Thank God.
Carrie I can understand your calling and how Professtioaly you handel your self in time of crises and that is a Blessing with in yoursrlf. I feel we all can do the best we can durning a time of the unexpected. and we do!!!! With God B lessing. Just like you did. Keep it up in your journey of life..