“Their house is gone”: Lessons in Facing Tragedy
I’ll never forget hearing that phrase, “Their house is gone.”
I had been watching news coverage of the Silver Fire in Banning, CA all day long, vigilant because of dear friends living in that area. With my calls going straight to voice mail I decided to go to bed. The phone rang an hour later. It was a brief call because I had no words, my boyfriend only knew that our friends were able to save their dogs & themselves. I fell asleep in tears, unable to process the news just yet.
Wes, Melissa & Sky Anderson have been my friends for a couple of years. They are a wonderful family and I felt lost for them, not knowing where they were, what to do or how I could “fix” this. I knew that they only had what they were wearing at that moment, their dogs, 2 of their cars, a couple of cameras & the laundry they grabbed. Can you imagine having to grab all that is precious to you with only minutes to make the decision & take action?
What happened next took me by surprise just as much as the fire itself. I told my work family what happened & put word of the Anderson’s need out there on Facebook. They needed everything- a place to stay, clothes, food, toiletries & everything to furnish a home, when they got one.
The blessings started pouring in. Donations of every kind imaginable started showing up at my desk at work. Friends contacted me to find out how to get them housewares & furniture. Huge bags of dog & cat food, cases of water, fancy skin care products, a significant watermelon & so much more. Sky is 13 & a musician but no longer had her equipment so my band-boyfriend talked to his endorsers & got some of it replaced. The thing that made it so amazing is that nobody who donated had ever met the Andersons, they just knew they needed help.
I packed my car & boyfriend’s truck more than a dozen times with this abundance & filled their hotel room to the ceiling. What they didn’t need or couldn’t use went to the 25 other families in their area that had also lost everything. I put the word out about these other families, also in need and once again, the floodgates opened. An entire community was being blessed by complete strangers – I have never been so humbled & inspired in my life!
What I learned from the Andersons’ loss is so valuable & here are a few of my favorite examples.
• Don’t underestimate your ability to change someone’s life – It can be simple. A smile & hello in passing, a shoulder to cry on or a couple dollars. But you could spark a chain reaction of random acts of kindness, give someone the strength to face their challenges or maybe even save a life. You may never think about it again, but that person won’t forget it. Wes, Melissa & Sky are always doing good deeds & paying it forward and when they were the ones in need, I got to step in, inspired by their example. They have changed me for the better by just allowing me to help them.
• Put yourself out there sincerely – If you offer to help, be realistic, genuine & be ready to act. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver or suddenly be unavailable when they take you up on your offer. Reinforce offers to help by extending them again & again- as Neil O’Connor says, “Be bold. If you get your hand slapped once, that’s OK. Try again anyways.” The Andersons never asked for anything, even when they needed everything. They showed me that it’s OK to accept help that you haven’t asked for but truly need.
• Things are just things – We all like our things, but we can live without them if we had to. Things can be replaced but people can’t (we all know that too well). Sometimes though, it’s hard to remember that your worth is not in the things you have but in who you are.
Hand clicking Donate button drawn with white chalk on blackboard.
Melissa gave me an amazing gift recently, saying “I will never be able to repay you for helping us get back on our feet but I can give you my love & friendship.” Mel, that is the best repay possible, being worthy of your friendship.
Read Melissa’s article on what this awful experience was like by clicking here. The photos are heart-breaking. But there’s hope, there’s people & there are so many that give.
Who have you watched live through devastation?
How did you help them? What did you discover about yourself?
Thank you for sharing!
To donate to an incredible relief organization already on ground in Haiyan, helping families to re-build, click here.
24 Comments
Great blog, Carrie. It was so amazing what you did for this family! You are so caring and compassionate, and it was also really cool to see everyone come together and donate things to people they didn’t even know. I had never really seen anything like that first hand before, it seemed more like something you would see on tv or hear about. I think that is probably one of the scariest things someone could go through, having their house burn down and losing almost everything. But you are right, they are just things, and I am so happy your friends made it out with what really matters most!
Carrie….Thank you for reminding me of how much I take for granted……and thank you for being such a good friend to so many people who desperately needed you…..Mark
Carrie, what a great blog! I love how you can go through such a horrible and emotionally draining experience and come through it with lessons learned. I enjoy your blogs because I always take something away that I can incorporate into my life.
As I looked through your friend’s photos of their property following the fire, I was struck at the beauty amongst the devastation. I see that in you too – with your friends and with the families you serve – you help them find peace during their moment of devastation.
Carrie,
I remember watching you throughout this experience and how it impacted so deeply. It really rocked you to the core of your being because of the emotion that it evoked in you. You could have been paralyzed by it but the impact mobilized you. It was so interesting to see the passion that was unique to you be so contagious. Your sacrifices on their behalf were of no consequence to you, in that, you never gave a second thought to the action you were compelled to make. Truly, you were an example in that moment of the very best of “mankind”. Thank you for the tireless example you have been, not just in this loss, but in literally hundreds of families that you have shepherded through death and beyond into the lifelong journey of discovery of the “new normal”.
I love you dearly,
Jeff
I was pleased to see the gratitude of our entire team in helping the family