Saying Goodbye to “Amber, Pamber, Peaches, Pumpkin, Pie” & 5 Ways to Pay Tribute to Your Beloved Pet
I call my friend Betty my “California Mom”. We met over seven years ago serving together at church. One of many reasons we bonded immediately is due to our love for dogs. Neither of us would be offended if you call us crazy dog ladies, because quite frankly, the name fits.
Betty had adopted Amber from a lady who could no longer care for the precious pup. Due to the color of her coat and many of us like to give our dogs endearing nicknames, she became “Amber, Pamber, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie”. Betty became skilled at rambling off her full name the majority of the time. It was not until recent years that she became simply, Amber.
A few months ago, Betty started telling me how sick Amber was. She was not eating much and was losing weight at a rapid pace.
A trip to the vet detected problems with her liver.
Each time Betty would report to me of Amber’s worsening condition, my heart would sink. I simply could not talk to her about this subject. One of my dearest friends, and I changed the subject each time she brought it up. I knew how much she loved Amber and the unbearable hurt that was around the corner for her. It’s the day us animal lovers dread the most and I didn’t want to think about it.
On October 3rd, I awoke to a message from Betty informing me that Amber had died in my “sister” Robin’s arms just after midnight.
I envisioned the painful path that was unfolding for my “Mom”. She and Amber were inseparable and this sting of death was going to be devastating.
The strange part of it is that I speak with grieving families for a living yet I found I could not talk to Betty about her loss. I responded to her message with my love and condolences but I refused to hear the pain that I knew would be in her voice. Yes, I felt like the worst friend ever.
Why is the loss of a pet so hard? I think there is the obvious, it’s unconditional love. Pets never say the wrong thing, never misunderstand us, and never expect an apology. They are grateful for just a bowl of food, a pat on the head and a cuddle.
We also spend more time with our pets than we do most people in our lives. No, I am not saying pets are more important than people! They are just more constant. In Betty’s case, she was able to take Amber to work and so she was with her beloved pup 24/7.
So how do we begin the grief journey when it comes to our animals? I have described a few ways below. It may or may not surprise you that paying tribute to our pets can be very similar to paying tribute to our relatives.
Have A Ceremony – As Neil O’Connor wrote in his previous post “You Killed Lilly-Losing a Childhood Pet”, his father knew the importance of ceremony being a third generation Funeral Director. Gather family members and friends to tell funny and heartwarming stories about your pet.
Write An Obituary– It does not mean you are going to publish it in a newspaper, although stranger things have happened. But you could post it to your Facebook page or tuck it away in a special place. Sitting down and writing out your memories is key to beginning the healing process.
Design A Miniature Grave Marker– Whether you have buried your pet in your yard or cremated him/her, you can design a miniature grave marker as a tribute. Include a photograph and place it in a favorite spot in your yard to recall fond memories.
Custom Replica of Your Pet– There are multiple companies who will design custom stuffed replicas of your pet if you submit a photograph but these felted ones are my favorite. Isn’t this just the cutest thing!? Have a look at their gallery by clicking here.
Adopt A New Pet– This is my favorite option! Betty and I discussed it the other evening. She was concerned it was too soon. My reply to her was, “What if you had died? Would you want Amber to be alone without anyone to take care of her?” Adopting a new pet is not an attempt to replace the one you have lost. The purpose of a new pet is to make your heart whole again.
Are you an animal lover who has experienced a loss such as Betty’s?
How did you pay tribute to your animal?
What did you do to fill the void?
64 Comments
Thank you for the article. Pets are family. They are friends and companions who only want to please, with the exception of cats, of course. Cats require pleasing from their subservient humans. The loss of these little Angels can be devastating to us. I have the ashes of my last two pets, Sami and GB because I moved and did not want to leave them buried or scattered somewhere that I was not present. My many other “Angels” are still with me in spirit and in my heart. “In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him, and a cat that will ignore him”. Dereke Bruce.
Karen,
Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my post.
I can’t help but laugh at your description of cats. That is what I understand about them. I’m very allergic so I won’t be able to be ignored by one in my home.
I will, however, always have dogs to worship me as long as I am able to care for them.
Enjoy your day!
Lori
Thank you for writing this! And I love the felt animals, so cute!!
When my gold fish died, my family and I did a burial at sea by flushing him/her down the royal commode.
When our cat died we were very sad and didn’t get another cat until a year later. I miss Kuma
Lauren,
Ahhh….the old flushing of the goldfish……I believe we have all experienced that one. Until now, I never thought of it as “burial at sea”. That has a much better ring than “flushing”.
I am sorry you had to experience the loss of your beloved cat, Kuma. You have walked through much loss for your young years.
What I see is the ability it has given you to feel with people during their darkest hours. That is a gift that I know you will continue to nurture with each family you serve. I’m so proud of he growth I have seen in you already. I know the sky is the limit for you!
Love,
Lori
Aw, this is such a sweet post Lori! I love the felt pets, that’s really cool, I didn’t know they did that! Almost all of the animals I have had in my life growing up did not die while we owned them. I think maybe when the time came near, my parents gave them away before it happened. I did get a black guinea pig when I was 21, that was my very own, and I named him Dracula. When he died a couple years later, I couldn’t believe how much grief it brought to me. I was in mortuary school, and so distraught over it, I wondered how am I going to help people who lose family and friends if I can’t even handle pets?? I took him to be cremated, completely broken hearted, but I still have him in an urn on my counter at home. I think pets are just so innocent, and you spend so much time caring and loving them, that it’s really underestimated how much grief people experience when they lose one.
Shasta,
Molly found the link for the felt pets over a year ago when I was initially going to write a post on the loss of a pet. I am glad I waited. The timing was much better for me to write it now. I think they are so cute! I want to get one of Max and Bella.
It was really sweet of your parents to delay the experience of having to watch a pet die. As you discovered with Dracula, it is painfully tough. I think you are exactly right, pets are innocent and so dependent on us. They greet us at the door the minute we get home and typically follow us everywhere when we are home. They can’t get enough of us, which makes us feel special.
As for wondering what helping people through grief in your career was going to look like…….we know the answer……you are AMAZING at walking with families through their most difficult times. Not only that, but you allow them the opportunity to view their loved ones for the final time. That is a tremendous gift you are giving to them!
I’m so grateful to have you in my life!
Much Love,
Lori
Lori, I love how you connect the pet to the owner’s heart. Pets can make a life so complete. We need to always remember our pets and the love that they provide throughout their wonderful lives.
Chris (Or Person Pretending to be Chris)
Who wrote this comment?!?!!? You have been giving me a hard time about my dogs for almost four years!!
If this is truly how you feel about animals, we need to talk. It’s like I don’t even know you!
Lori
Hahaha, good one Chris :-p. “Don’t have pets and don’t have children”
Right, Shasta? I don’t know who he was impersonating!?!?!
Hi Lori
Even though I have never had real connection with a pet….I have many friends that feel about their pets like you have described and I can relate to that because that is how I feel about my kids!
But moving forward someday, I may want to consider experiencing the unconditional love of a pet because as you pointed out …”Pets never say the wrong thing, never misunderstand us, and never expect an apology”. There is a whole lot to be said for that!!!
Thank you for sharing your great thoughts and insights.
Sharon
Sharon,
My pups are absolutely my babies. I think it is hard to get that unless you have experienced an animal that relies on you and that looks into your soul, at times. I swear sometimes Max and Bella know exactly what I am thinking. Bella has this uncanny way of sensing that I am sad. She curls herself up as close as she possibly can to me and looks at my face……just stares with those big, brown eyes. She will not take her eyes off of me until I say, “mama’s okay Bella”. Once she hears that, she can settle in and be comfortable. Animals are incredibly smart and sensitive.
Once you return from your exciting life journey, I think a pet would be a great idea for you! There are so many that need to be rescued. I know you would give them a very loving home and your grandchildren would love it too!
Thank you for reading!
Love,
Lori