Out with the Old, In with the New: Changing by Choice

Out with the Old

We’ve all heard the saying “Out with the old, in with the new.”  It’s quite simple to understand and easier to say, but like most advice we give to one another, this is a very difficult thing to actually DO.  As I think about my life now there are so many new places where I am applying this phrase and as good as that is, some of the changes I’m facing are HUGE and definitely overwhelming.

I’m not great at choosing change, it usually needs to be forced on me and I’m guessing many of you are also like that. Most of us have probably already forgotten our resolutions, whatever they were – maybe to exercise more, eat healthy, build our nest egg, or go back to school, move up in our career. These conscious decisions for change that we make annually with the aim to let go of the old habits, routines & roadblocks can be so difficult to hold ourselves to that without real motivation or necessity we can let them slip. Back to the old.

Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/marekuliasz

Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/marekuliasz

Well I’ve certainly been one of these people – change is difficult & usually uncomfortable. I’m also quite stubborn & sentimental so unless I’m forced to make a change, I tend to remain right where I am.  But recently I realized how detrimental this thought process is to my future & I my resolution this year is to embrace the new & throw out the old.  I’m a bit terrified but also so excited!

Here’s what’s happening to me:

“Will you marry me?” – Ummmm, what?  Here I thought we were just having our regular sushi night & then the question is popped.  Because of a painful divorce, I was adamant I would never get married again.  Nobody would have that kind of control over me, ever.  I’ve been in a great relationship for a few years now but had intentionally built walls between us thinking I was protecting myself.  In about 5 seconds I toppled down those walls & said, “YES!” Why should my old life hold me back from a new one?

It was time to throw out the old thoughts…

Moving – One of my first blogs was about my home being my sanctuary. Now I need to sell it. I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around this huge change & the logistics alone are overwhelming. So far I have donated or packed up the things a prospective buyer might consider clutter. My sanctuary is now unfamiliar to me & it feels weird. I don’t like being unsettled. However, it’s time to rip up these roots & plant them in a place where they can grow.

Out with the old surroundings…

Photo Courtesy of quotes-lover.com

Photo Courtesy of quotes-lover.com

What’s my name? – Like many professionals, I will be hyphenating my name rather than changing it entirely. I want to ensure that my client families know that I’m still here & that everyone else knows I’m still Care Bayer, just with a few extra letters added on.

So, in with a new name…  : )

I talk with the families I serve about finding their “new normal” (nothing ever returns to normal after a death) in the months & years that follow their loss. While finding my new normal is nowhere near as heartbreaking or extreme as theirs, I must begin to take my own advice. 

Take each day as it arrives, see the opportunities as they are presented, and find comfort in the vulnerability of changing.

What do you THINK . . .

How have you most recently thrown out the old & brought in the new?

How did it change you?

Do you openly subscribe to this mindset or do you need force?

Has something prevented you from embracing it?

Thank you for sharing!

Molly Keating
Molly Keating
Hello! I'm Molly and I run & manage the Blog here at O'Connor. I grew up in a mortuary with a mortician for a father who's deep respect for the profession inspired me to give working at a mortuary a try. Work at O'Connor has brought together two of my deep passions, writing & grief awareness. In 2016 I earned Certification in the field of Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement. I am honored to be able to speak on these taboo topics with knowledge, compassion, and a unique perspective. I want to sincerely thank you for following & reading the blog, I hope that this is a healing place for you.


  1. Shasta Cola says:

    Congratulations, Carrie! I am excited for all these things to happen in your life! I feel exactly the same as you in regards to change. Sometimes it feels better to stay in a situation than risk that uncertainty of change. I am glad you are going for it all, I think you have such a bright future!

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Thank you, Shasta! And I agree, staying where it’s familiar feels safe & that’s exactly where I tend to stay. But, to have a future that is good, healthy & fun we must let go of the familiar & jump into the unknown. We always figure things out as we go & make the new become familiar & safe-feeling. Thank you! Carrie

  2. Neil says:

    Hi Carrie –

    I am so proud of you! I am glad to see you are letting go of your past, not many people have ever done that and they go to their grave full or regret and fears. That is a major shift in your growth. Plus I am very happy for you and Steve, I know he is a great man and you two love each other.

    Well this years learning lesson for me is simple, I need to learn to create more space and margin between all the meetings, projects, and life’s activities. I tend to spin my wheels and not get much done when I don’t create more space.
    So yes, you can call me Captain Space! RRRGGG XOXO

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Neil, you have always been one of my best cheerleaders & I love you for that. Thank you so much for your ongoing support, I wouldn’t have been able to make so many huge changes in the last few years if I didn’t have you cheering me on. I also find myself wondering where my time has gone & how am I going to make room for the fun things in life. Creating space between the “must do’s” and the “want to do’s” is harder than we think & it’s crucial to make that space. You can do it! Love, Carrie

  3. Sharon Watkins says:


    Change is difficult as you mentioned, but that is when we sometimes experience our greatest growth and our happiest times! I pray that all of these upcoming changes will be that way for you.
    I too have made a decision for major changes in my life this year. But I have no regrets and only hope and anticipation for more growth and happy times ahead. I wish the same for you Carrie.
    I’m so glad you are in my life.

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Sharon, you have been a big inspiration to me as you are also going thru a HUGE change yourself. I have watched you take the challenge by the horns & steer it in the direction it must go. It’s incredibly difficult to do but you make it look easy & I thank you for that. The example you have set for me & all of those around you has been amazing. Thank you! Love, Carrie

  4. Jeff Turner says:

    I love this! I just attended a leadership program to day where one of the main topics was “change”. The presentation was in part inspired by a book called “Life Launch” by Pamela D. McLean and Frederick M. Hudson. In the book they outline the four phases in a cycle that is not necessarily “natural” for us, but necessary. I am going to be reading this and evaluating where I am at in the cycle in the differing arenas of life right now. I think it will help me to understand where others might be at in their lives too. Very exciting.

    I am so happy about what you have embraced in the way of change and in particular, why. Thank you for this perspective.


    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Thank you, Jeff. If change was easy & natural for us, we wouldn’t have entire seminars, books & Life Coaches so prevalent. I’m happy that you are participating in learning more about change. I’m terrified about all these big changes but know they are necessary. Thank you! Love, Carrie

  5. Mitch says:

    I love your words. I too am leery of change. Over the last 15 years I have quite a few changes in my life & I am still working some of them out. I find if you take each one separately and get used to it, then move on to the next it may be a bit easier and you won’t be overwhelmed. Love you & what you do. Thank you.

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Mitch, you indeed have gone thru may changes. I’ve been lucky enough to have great conversations with you & you’ve shared some of them with me. You are an inspiration on how to managed forced change & I hope you know that people learn from your example. Thank you for being a good friend & for your support. You are good people! Love, Carrie

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