Out with the Old, In with the New: Changing by Choice

Out with the Old

We’ve all heard the saying “Out with the old, in with the new.”  It’s quite simple to understand and easier to say, but like most advice we give to one another, this is a very difficult thing to actually DO.  As I think about my life now there are so many new places where I am applying this phrase and as good as that is, some of the changes I’m facing are HUGE and definitely overwhelming.

I’m not great at choosing change, it usually needs to be forced on me and I’m guessing many of you are also like that. Most of us have probably already forgotten our resolutions, whatever they were – maybe to exercise more, eat healthy, build our nest egg, or go back to school, move up in our career. These conscious decisions for change that we make annually with the aim to let go of the old habits, routines & roadblocks can be so difficult to hold ourselves to that without real motivation or necessity we can let them slip. Back to the old.

Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/marekuliasz

Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/marekuliasz

Well I’ve certainly been one of these people – change is difficult & usually uncomfortable. I’m also quite stubborn & sentimental so unless I’m forced to make a change, I tend to remain right where I am.  But recently I realized how detrimental this thought process is to my future & I my resolution this year is to embrace the new & throw out the old.  I’m a bit terrified but also so excited!

Here’s what’s happening to me:

“Will you marry me?” – Ummmm, what?  Here I thought we were just having our regular sushi night & then the question is popped.  Because of a painful divorce, I was adamant I would never get married again.  Nobody would have that kind of control over me, ever.  I’ve been in a great relationship for a few years now but had intentionally built walls between us thinking I was protecting myself.  In about 5 seconds I toppled down those walls & said, “YES!” Why should my old life hold me back from a new one?

It was time to throw out the old thoughts…

Moving – One of my first blogs was about my home being my sanctuary. Now I need to sell it. I still haven’t fully wrapped my head around this huge change & the logistics alone are overwhelming. So far I have donated or packed up the things a prospective buyer might consider clutter. My sanctuary is now unfamiliar to me & it feels weird. I don’t like being unsettled. However, it’s time to rip up these roots & plant them in a place where they can grow.

Out with the old surroundings…

Photo Courtesy of quotes-lover.com

Photo Courtesy of quotes-lover.com

What’s my name? – Like many professionals, I will be hyphenating my name rather than changing it entirely. I want to ensure that my client families know that I’m still here & that everyone else knows I’m still Care Bayer, just with a few extra letters added on.

So, in with a new name…  : )

I talk with the families I serve about finding their “new normal” (nothing ever returns to normal after a death) in the months & years that follow their loss. While finding my new normal is nowhere near as heartbreaking or extreme as theirs, I must begin to take my own advice. 

Take each day as it arrives, see the opportunities as they are presented, and find comfort in the vulnerability of changing.

What do you THINK . . .

How have you most recently thrown out the old & brought in the new?

How did it change you?

Do you openly subscribe to this mindset or do you need force?

Has something prevented you from embracing it?

Thank you for sharing!

Molly Keating
Molly Keating
Molly grew up in and around funeral homes her entire life. In 2009 she began working for O'Connor Mortuary and found a bridge between her passion for writing and her interest in grief and bereavement. In 2016 she earned Certification in the field of Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement. She is honored to be able to write about these taboo topics with knowledge, compassion, and a unique perspective.


  1. Mike Bayer says:

    Hey Care Bayer…this is Papa Bayer and I am so glad you’re keeping that cool “Bayer” in your name. And…congratulations and thanks for the terrific message about change.

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Thank you, Papa Bayer! I remember meeting you when you cared for Anne & Lou- it was so nice to meet another Bayer. Thank you for all that you do & for your support. I appreciate your comments very much. Sincerely, Care Bayer

  2. Anne says:

    This is exactly where I am and I could have filled a blog likewise. Soooo much change and the need to simplify and clear out some of the old, not because my house is on the market, but because I have to identify what I want in my home, not what we want. I still say we, without thinking.
    I am so filled with joy for you for the courage it took for the “yes”, which ultimately creates all these decisions. You will be not only fine, but fulfilled. I have no doubt. Your courage will be greatly rewarded.
    Let us know how we can support you. 2014 will be a glorious year for you, without a doubt. Just let your focus be on one thing at a time, not the whole thing, so you keep your sanity.

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Sweet Anne, your entire previous year has been all about forced change & I know how incredibly difficult it has been. But I want you to know how many people you have inspired as you have moved thru each change phase. You have handled it all with complete grace, strength, faith & courage- I admire you more than you realize. I always have you in my heart & am always here for you as you continue your journey thru change. I love you! Carrie

      • Anne says:

        Thanks, Carrie
        More than ever I am relying on my friends. I don’t always say it, but I wouldn’t be as far along as I am without each and every one of you and the unique expressions of love and care I still feel coming my way. I thought it would be easier, but that isn’t necessarily so.
        So, thank you. I love you.

  3. Mark says:

    Carrie…..I once heard that the only person who likes change is a baby with a wet diaper! I am one of those people not crazy about change….but I am excited about the changes in your life…congratulations to you and Steve……Mark

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Mark, I agree & sometimes wish I was the baby- life would be much more simple. But, anything worth having is worth the hard work to get it & that means inevitable change. You have gone thru many changes this year as well & I have seen you face forced change with dignity, grace & faith. That is incredibly inspiring for those of us that cherish you. Thank you so much! Love, Carrie

  4. Becky Finch Lomaka says:

    Hi Carrie,
    You really have me thinking…
    Ironically, I tend to handle the big changes life throws at me pretty well, and as you said, even find those changes pretty exciting. However, as I read your blog, what you help me realize is that I don’t accept the subtle changes in my daily routines very well. New job- no problem…traffic jam that makes me late for work – end of the world to me (sad, I know)!

    My goal for the coming year is to not sweat the small stuff, and to allow myself to be vulnerable to and enjoy each day as it unfolds because each day is a gift.

    Thanks for the insights!!

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Becky, I wish I was more like you. I’d love to be able to embrace big changes easily. But, the small changes are what we face more often & how we handle them can affect the big changes that come our way. I’m glad you’ve set this goal to not sweat the small stuff (great books, by the way) & I’m excited to see how you flow thru the new way of thinking. Love, Carrie

  5. Carrie,
    I so appreciate that you’re not just talking Spring Cleaning in this post but going so much deeper into the crammed closets of our thoughts that so desperately need cleaning out. I’m challenged by your post to continue on this path that I’ve begun into what fears, anxieties and myths hold me back from being a fully formed version of myself.

    Thank you so much for posting, I value the advice.

    • Carrie Bayer says:

      Thank you, Molly! You did a great job editing my blog & helped make it more meaningful. I always appreciate you- for what you do, who you are & how you inspire me when I’m blocked. Now I LOVE spring cleaning & this is far different but I’m thinking that if I have the spring cleaning mindset as I move forward, I’ll be more productive, my efforts more efficient & I’ll be happy rather than hesitant. Thank you so much! Love, Carrie

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