Journey Mercies . . . Life’s Lessons
Journey Mercies . . . Life’s Lessons
When do “life lessons” begin and when do they end? From the time we are born our days are filled with rules and regulations. Do’s and don’ts that are supposed to make our lives easier, richer, fuller, better. Don’t touch this, don’t do that. Don’t hit, don’t say bad words, don’t be mean to your sister, always say your prayers, wash your hands before dinner, say yes ma’am and no sir, please and thank-you. Don’t yell, keep your room clean and don’t say “hate”. Just writing this takes me back and makes me wonder . . . did I respond well to the life lessons I learned as a child?
In Robert Fulghum’s book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” he states “All I really need to know about how to live and what to do I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.”
You can see a list of Fulgham’s lessons from kindergarten here.
My paternal grandparents were well-to-do Orange County business owners, who entertained regularly. Since I was with them every Sunday, I remember my grandfather, who I loved dearly, helping me with my life’s lessons. He would say things like “Be kind, speak no ill against anyone, love you parents, be a good girl.” He also spent time teaching me the proper way to sit at dinner – no elbows on the table, left hand in my lap, right hand holding my fork. He taught me to say “Would you please pass the gravy?” because you would never reach across the table for anything that was not right in front of you. He taught me how to respond to an adult as I was being introduced. I would put out my hand and say “very nice to meet you.” And if they were leaving I would say “Very nice to have met you.” I was all of 7 or 8 years old. Those and a myriad of others were life lessons that I remember vividly. Reflecting on these has led me to ask,
What life lessons have I imparted to my children?
Well, it would be verbatim from the opening paragraph of this blog. It’s what we do as parents to help our kids along. We share our life lessons, with the hope that sooner or later they will “get it”.
I realize now that the “get it” factor doesn’t always resonate and sometimes our life’s lessons are learned the hard way.
What I saw as my children grew was that in learning what life was all about, they created their own set of standards, ideals and boundaries. Growing up means that all of those preset ideals will change. And so will the person who created them. As Kelly Cutrone, author of If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You, says “In breaking away from the familiar and the expected, you’ll be forced and privileged to face great challenges, learn harder lessons, and really get to know yourself.” For me, that happened at 50! The school of hard knocks was alive and well.
What I know now is the lessons we teach our children are only as good as the examples we demonstrate. How we live our lives and how we show them that honesty, integrity, and character will help them achieve a life of goodness. With that in mind, I know that I failed in many ways raising my kids. I know that I put work before their needs at home.
I was a full time employee and a part time mom.
God has been good to me these past 16 years. After making it through my divorce and some tough life lessons of my own, I realized again that honesty, integrity and character are qualities that give you perspective and the ability to rise above any adversity or failure. I made it part of my restoration to manifest these qualities in my life. That decision was purposeful. It empowered me to become a strong “mom” figure with my adult children and a better woman.
Do I regret some of those perfectly BAD decisions? Of course I do. But I also celebrate the way they changed my life. The way they gave me a deeper sense of who I really am and who I really want to become. The life lessons I have learned and the life that I live right now . . . I would not change. I have hope, power, perseverance and love beyond measure.
One of the most incredible revelations for me now is that the wisdom of my years and the life lessons of the past have given me the opportunity to walk along side my children and support them as they come to me for advice or just to talk over how their doing and feeling.
We can never go back . . . but we can change past behaviors, relationships, and decisions. We can and should mirror our own life’s lessons in the most positive way. We can be kind, respectful, and be a person of integrity. We can show compassion, justice, and love. And we can reserve the word “hate” for liver and onions and limburger cheese.
What life lessons did I learn in kindergarten, that are profoundly part of my life right now?
“Say you’re sorry when you hurt someone” and “Clean up your own mess!”
• What life lessons have stuck with you since kindergarten?
40 Comments
I love it! We have so much in common, Patricia. My mother’s favorite wisdom, which she didn’t live by, was “pretty is as pretty does”. Can’t say that was terribly insightful…what IS “pretty doing”? I’ve learned, as I’ve aged (and nearing 60!), that what you wrote is a more powerfully instructive insight: “honesty, integrity and character are qualities that give you
perspective and the ability to rise above any adversity or failure.”
I honestly believe I’ve done my best over the years to teach my sons this very lesson – you just said it so succinctly – I’m going to print that out, and hang it on my office wall! Really nice post, Patricia. Oh, who am I kidding. Really GREAT post, Patricia. Thank you.
Dear Kim
Thank you for your kind words. Isn’t it wonderful when we can relate to something or someone simply by sharing a thought or a few letters on a page. We never know who will find it and be touched or angered by if for that matter. The thing is, it makes us think. It makes us react, I may even change the way we feel and give us new insights or perspectives. It may challenge us to be even more than we thought we could be. I have had many friends in these past 20 years that have encouraged me, challenged me and made me accountable for things I never, ever thought I could do. Simply said, we don’t give ourselves enough credit, because in the scheme of things, we are all capable of being great. Life lessons just help us get there and give id a more stable foundation. I’d love to hear from you again, and share our thoughts on pages. I would have never guessed I would be a “blogger”, . . . who would have known?
Thank you!
Pat
Pat,
Loved reading this. In my family, looks were never discussed. It was very important, however to be smart and tenacious. The older ones were either valedictorians or salutatorians or star of the basketball team.. a lot to live up to. A joke was never at another’s expense. It needed to be truly funny. The best were puns, an often complicated play on words. Exhibiting too much pride would be certainly followed by a “great fall”. If I really got into big trouble at about 5 or 6 or 7: “Be sure your sin will find you out” or “Mama would turn over in her grave if she could see you now.” I laughed loud and long at everything funny or interesting. “If you laugh too hard, you will cry just as hard before bed.” Good clean competition at board games was constant and kept track of, always trying to beat our personal best, but never ever cheating or taking advantage, because “the joy of winning would become worthless”. Reading was big. There were lots of books. Music and singing together was highly rated, harmonizing and singing solos or in groups in church and on the radio. Never wasting anything, making the most of the garden, picking wild berries in season, tapping the maple trees to make syrup and canning and preserving every possible thing. Giving to others first was huge. Though we had nothing to speak of, the bum who lived at the tracks got the first plate of food at Thanksgiving before we could eat. The table was always shared if someone had a need. The canned goods were readily shared with others. We had to raise each other after I turned 5, so probably made a lot of mistakes, but there was a lot of love. So many things, but can’t go on and on.
Big hugs and thanks
Anne
Anne
I know you come from “good stock”. You life reflects that. I enjoyed reading about your history and I could just picture you all sitting around a large table and playing games or singing songs. What captivating stories for your grandkids to hear. Something they can take along with them as they make their way through life. You have a huge heart and are a gift to me and so many others. Thank you for sharing this sweet message of love, kindness, gratitude and grace.
Pat
Mom,
We know a little something about Life Lessons, don’t we? I love your blog, I do. It’s amazing isn’t it? This journey that we are on. I love where we are right now, and I am excited about where we are going. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 3:5-6. I am living this verse. I am so grateful for you and for all you taught me growing up. Because today I am a beautiful woman and no matter what difficulties, you taught me how to be that very thing. I love you Mom. I love our relationship that the Lord has restored and made stronger and deeper. I respect you and the Mother, Grammy, and Woman that you are. I look up to you and you inspire me to do better everyday.
Love your daughter,
Kori Marie
My Sweet Daughter
Yes, you are living your life lesson. And I’m so proud of where you are in your life right now. We Kolstad women never take the easy way. Hard might not be the best, but it sure has made us all stronger. Thank you for your sweet thoughts and your profound journey. Someday you will tell your grandchildren that living a life of honesty, integrity and character will bring them more joy that taking the hard road. But then you’ll have to let them make their own choices and pray that they don’t make the mistakes of the past. I love you with the depths of my being and I’m grateful for your life!
Momma
Pat, this post takes me back to some of the wonderful lessons and some of the hard ones I learned as a kid…as well as some of the difficult lessons I’ve learned as an adult.
The word “humility” comes to mind as I realize the importance of staying humble knowing I’ve made and learned from mistakes that have hurt others in the past. As well, staying open to learning new lessons today and in the future.
Great post…encouraging words!
Joey
Joey:
What a beautiful word . . humility. It’s obvious to me that we don’t use it often enough . . and for a reason. It often places us in a place we would rather not be.
As I have aged, I’ve realized what it means to be open to new lessons and depend on the lessons of old – being respectful, learning to communicate well with others, and being trustworthy.
Thank you so much for sharing on my blog. I look forward to your comments in the future.
Pat
One of the most important things I learned in my first few years of school was that I needed to work for my money (believe it or not). My mom would reward my brother & I with pennies when we did something well, something helpful, and completed our chores. I had a very real sense of what I had to do in order to earn money and I see that carrying over today into my life with my work ethic and drive. – This isn’t exactly the lesson I was thinking I would’ve learned when I initially read your post but as I reflected on your question and my own experience that was one of the big highlights.
I love your insight, the story of your growth, and the power of the lessons you’ve learned. Thank you so much for sharing!
Molly
I have seen you grown into a very mature, intelligent woman, who has such depth of soul. I have been witness to your strengths, your joys and your challenges. I have see you move toward them and not away. I know that the life lessons you learned from your parents and brought you to the place where you dwell today. You are compassionate, loving, and wise. You ponder your life with the maturity of someone much older.
I thank you for the person you are and for the joy I have seeing you move through you life. What an adventure!
Lovingly
AP