Getting To The Heart of Designing The Perfect Grave Marker
I began my career with O’Connor Mortuary at precisely the right time. My boss, Neil O’Connor, is an idea man and to my benefit, one of his better ideas was that all of our orders for grave markers should be designed and processed by one member of our staff. He chose me for this role and three years later, I could not be more honored that he did.
A grave marker is the rectangular bronze or granite stone that is placed on the grave of a loved one at a cemetery. While the name is that of the departed, the marker is created for the family to remember them by.
Grave markers tell a beautiful story in a 28×16 rectangular space. Multiple photo tiles may be used to chronicle each decade of your beloved’s life. Custom emblems allow the opportunity for meaningful hobbies, clubs and organizations to be represented. Your relative’s signature can even be immortalized on granite for future generations to examine.
Some families come in with exactly what they want written on the marker. They select a basic design and we typically meet for thirty minutes or less. This same family will usually approve the first proof and have their marker delivered within a month.
Other families will take years to complete their loved one’s marker. Sometimes the process is too painful so they put it away for a period of time and contact me when they are ready to resume. Some families even create the artwork for the marker themselves.
I’ve noticed that many of my families are looking for someone to hear their story and help them develop a marker that is the perfect tribute. With these families I typically spend about 2 hours or more listening and learning about their loved one. This is where I have found ministry through memorializing.
I believe it is what I am made for.
Out of the Wheelchair
My position is also unique in that I have ongoing contact with the families that I serve. During the weeks or even months that the marker is being designed, approved, produced and delivered, I am in frequent contact with the family. We share a lot during this time.
I have been invited to their children’s baseball games, family gatherings and lunches stemming from the connections that we made.
The most important element of my job is that families trust me enough to be transparent and invite me into their world and what they are experiencing each day. That is the heart of why I am so passionate about what I do.
Career + Passion = Beautiful Thing
Neil O’Connor gave me solid advice when I began this position: “Treat this like it is your own business.” It has ignited a fire in me that makes me strive to be the best I can be. Pride of ownership is a driving force but beyond that I have found my purpose and passion.
Have you designed a grave marker for a member of your family?
What was the biggest challenge in the design process for you?
What do you want your grave marker to say one day?
58 Comments
Lori,
One of our favorite florists was delivering flowers the other day and went into the flower room to see how he was doing since we took care of his father just a few months ago. We caught up and then he told me about the marker that you helped them with. He had family visiting and they went for the first time with his mother, the new widow, to see it. He said that when they arrived at the grave and approached getting their very first glimpse of the marker in place, his mother began weeping and commenting on just how beautiful it was. He described just how important that permanent memorial is and how perfectly it honored his father. He could not say enough about just how highly they thought of you in this effort.
Well done Lori!
Jeff
Jeff,
I am glad you mentioned this because this is an example of a time I gained more from a family than they did from me. He told me stories about how wonderful his father was, always a kind word for everyone and did not see the benefit in being angry. To watch him share how proud he was of his father was very heartwarming. He passed that trait down to his son, because he always has kind words for all of us when he comes in.
You have been a great source of support as well in my journey here at O’Connor. It means a lot when an owner of the company gives you their support in each of your endeavors. Supportive management is key to the team’s success.
Thank you for believing in me and encouraging me along the way….oh and aggravating me too, you do that sometimes, so you know…..
Lori
Lori,
Wow, thank you for sharing more about your role as Marker Specialist. I know how much you love meeting with the families and helping design the best marker for their loved one. You are very passionate about your positions here at O’Connors and I am very lucky to not only call you my co worker but my friend.
Love you!
Shayna
Shayna,
As I mentioned below, I could not do it without the help of you and the rest of our Administrative team. Your willingness to jump in and help with my cases and the break times has been a HUGE load off of my mind when I am on back to back appointments.
I am honored to call YOU coworker and friend….and there is still time for bridesmaid? flower girl? guest book coordinator?
C’Mon, Elsa took the bait!!
Love you Little Miss!!!
Lori
Lori,
Thank you for sharing your vocational passion. I’ve had the honor of watching you develop what could have been “transactional” meetings with families into some very beautiful connections. You have bright a trusting value to your position here at O’Connor Mortuary.
Chris,
You are one of the ones who has been with me on this journey from the Memorial Ministry days. It is people like you who made me want to be part of O’Connor Mortuary. Everyone I encountered was so wonderful.
I have enjoyed a variety of roles over almost four years. Markers is the one that gives me that extended contact with the families that I thrive on. It is great to have a little experience and be able to suggest things and watch their faces light up like, “Yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking”.
It is due to the support of not only Neil and Fitz for giving me my start, but also you and Joanna for covering for me at reception when I have appointments, Amy, Kari and Shayna for picking up my Administrative case load, Diana and Rosemary for answering extra calls when I am out of the loop. It has definitely been a team effort.
Thanks for all of your support Man!!
<3<3<3
Lori
Lori,
I”ve never had to design a grave marker but I didn’t know that you could do so much in the realm of personalization with those stones. I’ve been to a fair number of cemeteries and seen stones that just all look the same, one after the other, so the ideas you shared of adding a signature or a photograph seem like such wonderful ways to personalize and truly “mark” the grave of your loved one.
It is such a blessing to work with someone like you who loves their job so dearly. The more passion & compassion we have on board the better and your spirit for what you do is a beautiful thing.
Thank you so much for writing this great blog & for sharing your hear & ministry with us!
Molly
Molly,
Thank YOU for all you do as our Director of Social Media!! We have come a LONGGG way from that first BLOG DOG meeting, huh? I know it is due to all of your work behind the scenes, editing us, researching, posting to our website and other sites. All of this and you contribute to other blogs as well. You are so perfect in this role! I know you understand my passion because I can tell you have it too. One of the reasons I love my job so much is because of the people, like you, who I get to see throughout my day. Okay, I am out of ways to tell you how wonderful I think you are.
Love you!
Lori
Lori, I love that you have found your passion and purpose in your role at O’Connor. It speaks volumes about you that families choose to include you in their lives. We know so well that once the memorial service or funeral is over, that it is only the beginning of the family’s grief journey. Thank you for shepherding and supporting them during this time.
Becky,
Thank you for your lovely comments. Yes, I am in a unique role to have that extended connection. I have made some wonderful friends along the way.
I am so glad you are with us at O’Connor to continue our strong relationships within the community. I look forward to deepening our friendship in the years to come! <3<3<3
Lori