Getting To The Heart of Designing The Perfect Grave Marker
I began my career with O’Connor Mortuary at precisely the right time. My boss, Neil O’Connor, is an idea man and to my benefit, one of his better ideas was that all of our orders for grave markers should be designed and processed by one member of our staff. He chose me for this role and three years later, I could not be more honored that he did.
A grave marker is the rectangular bronze or granite stone that is placed on the grave of a loved one at a cemetery. While the name is that of the departed, the marker is created for the family to remember them by.
Grave markers tell a beautiful story in a 28×16 rectangular space. Multiple photo tiles may be used to chronicle each decade of your beloved’s life. Custom emblems allow the opportunity for meaningful hobbies, clubs and organizations to be represented. Your relative’s signature can even be immortalized on granite for future generations to examine.
Some families come in with exactly what they want written on the marker. They select a basic design and we typically meet for thirty minutes or less. This same family will usually approve the first proof and have their marker delivered within a month.
Other families will take years to complete their loved one’s marker. Sometimes the process is too painful so they put it away for a period of time and contact me when they are ready to resume. Some families even create the artwork for the marker themselves.
I’ve noticed that many of my families are looking for someone to hear their story and help them develop a marker that is the perfect tribute. With these families I typically spend about 2 hours or more listening and learning about their loved one. This is where I have found ministry through memorializing.
I believe it is what I am made for.
Out of the Wheelchair
My position is also unique in that I have ongoing contact with the families that I serve. During the weeks or even months that the marker is being designed, approved, produced and delivered, I am in frequent contact with the family. We share a lot during this time.
I have been invited to their children’s baseball games, family gatherings and lunches stemming from the connections that we made.
The most important element of my job is that families trust me enough to be transparent and invite me into their world and what they are experiencing each day. That is the heart of why I am so passionate about what I do.
Career + Passion = Beautiful Thing
Neil O’Connor gave me solid advice when I began this position: “Treat this like it is your own business.” It has ignited a fire in me that makes me strive to be the best I can be. Pride of ownership is a driving force but beyond that I have found my purpose and passion.
Have you designed a grave marker for a member of your family?
What was the biggest challenge in the design process for you?
What do you want your grave marker to say one day?
58 Comments
Considering the heart-wrenching circumstances, you made the extremely difficult process seem easier as your sensitivity and care for me and my son was awe-inspiring. Designing a marker for my wife was something I never imagined would be required. After combing through thousands of photos my son picked out what he thought was the perfect reflection of mom. Unfortunately during the process of making the tile the image was blown up too large and was very blurry.
Although I know you rarely have problems with these markers, you were instrumental in helping us through the process of getting it fixed and we can’t thank you enough. My son and I are still looking for the next perfect picture to replace it, but we are relieved to know you are on the other end to help us through the process once again.
Kym was an absolutely spectacular wife, mom, sister and friend, and your guidance helped create a marker that reflected all of those qualities.
Continue doing what has made you so special. O’Connor is blessed to have you in this position guiding families down a very difficult road with the utmost care and respect.
With continued blessings,
Chris & Blake Andrews
Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “For I know the plans I have for you…a future and a Hope…”
Chris and Blake,
Thank you so very much for your kind words. I know how much you both continue to miss Kym. It was truly my honor to assist you with the process of designing her marker.
One of the favorite parts of my job is the friendships that blossom during the time we are working on the marker.
It was so nice that our emails were not about the “transaction” of completing and placing Kym’s marker. I heard about how busy you were at work, what Blake has been up to, how often you got to sneak a motorcycle ride in…..we shared time together, we didn’t just conduct business.
While I thank you for the wonderful things you have said, it is very much a two way street. I can only do well if the families I am serving are receptive.
You were kind and patient when the tile was incorrect and that attitude is much appreciated.
Continued prayers for you and Blake as you continue on this grief journey….
Lori
Lori . .
This was so very interesting and given the type of caring individual that you are, it made me appreciate, even more, your role as Marker Specialist.
You and I have talked at length about your commitment to this part of your responsibility. I have enjoyed listening to your stories of how you have walked along side a family and helped them to design just the perfect remembrance of their loved one. It takes a “listening to understand and not to respond” type of person, and you, my friend, fit that perfectly. I also love how you are able to “draw out” the story so that you are better able to help the family with their choices. Thank you for your care and compassion and for providing flawless service. It matters to the families and to the legacy they want to preserve. Nicely done!
MP
MP,
Thank you so much for listening to me share my passion on more than one occasion. As I have learned more in my role, it is so satisfying to be able to make suggestions that families might not have thought about otherwise.
I can’t tell you the feeling of receiving an email from a family with a picture of the marker set on the grave with their comment, “It’s perfect! Thank you!”.
I’m equally excited to begin my new endeavor alongside you as Family Care Coordinator. I always hoped to have a chance to work with you. I think we will be a great team!
I value having you in my life so much!!
Love you,
Lori
Lori,
I have not had the chance to design a grave marker for a loved one. But after reading your post, I would love the chance to be able to. I think it would be a great way of honoring that loved one.
One thing I don’t have is a specific grave marker for my father. Sometimes I am envious of people that can go to a cemetery and visit there loved ones. But then I also think back to my dad’s wishes. He wanted to be scattered in the ocean at Diamond Head, Hawaii. I do feel as though now, he has moved to all parts of the Ocean and I can see him no matter what body of water I visit. So even though I don’t get to go see a specific single grave marker, I can visit him in many different places. We did however plant palm trees, at the crash site. So in a way I can relate that to a grave marker. My father had a true love for palm trees, at one point we had 48 different kinds in our backyard.
I want to be cremated as well, and scattered in the ocean. But if I were to design a grave marker for myself, I know I would have palm trees etched into it. I would only want my name, birthday, and date of death on the marker. I would want the palm trees to make the statement. I believe that would best represent me.
I think it is amazing the work you do for families in need, and relationships you
are able to build with them. I will strive to be as passionate as you are! Thank you for sharing!
-Erin Fodor
Erin,
First and foremost, I apologize for taking so long to reply to your comment.
How many times have I said to you, “I still have to reply!”.
Your comment touches my heart because we have at least one thing in common, we lost our fathers too young. I am sorry you have had to experience all of the sadness that came with your father’s unexpected death.
I am glad that you are using your pain to walk others over the threshold to begin their grief journey. You are such a wonderful young lady. I get to hear first hand from the families we are privileged to serve the special things you do to care for them. I know you will only continue to become better as you become even more seasoned in your role.
You already have the passion! I see it and love to watch you take on any task that is placed in front of you.
Thank you for the bagels last week too!!
Much love,
Lori
I like how you brought up that a loved one’s hobbies and story can be immortalized on granite so that future generations can learn about them too. I honestly love this idea because it can turn a sad gravestone into an emblem that resembles the diseased person. I’m going to share this idea with all of my family and see what they think about us making it a tradition to get customized gravestones for our future generations to read.
Wow, I really love your creative ideas for memorials, especially where you mention engraving their signature. My father had a beautiful signature that I think would look great on his grave marker; he passed away a week ago and I’m helping my mom with the process of designing the memorial. As you said, the process can be painful, but I think that adding more personalized touches will make it more cathartic and give us the closure we need.