Freedom to Fail: 8 Lessons to Bring You Back!
Freedom to Fail: 8 Lessons to Bring You Back!
A couple weeks ago I made a big mistake at work. I’ve made mistakes before, but I think this one takes the cake. It had to do with hiring a very worthy individual. I made a great choice, this candidate was very worthy and would be a great hire.
Unfortunately, in my excitement to bring this person on, I made a rush decision without going through the normal hiring process.
Just after I had concluded the interview, I immediately called my wife Lisa, to share the good news. My wife, being the one with the level head, said to me “what were you thinking? Didn’t you involve your partners in this decision?”
Then it all came rushing over, what in the world did I just do? I went from thrilled to “oh no!” in about two seconds.
After my phone call with Lisa, I met with my partners still hoping they would be just as excited. After all, these are men that I respect and who support me.
Needless to say, my partners went from surprise, to shock – “How are you going to fix this?” – I knew I needed to take action so I gave my self 24 hours to see if I could magically find a GREAT solution.
I went home that night wishing that I could call a “1-800-GOD-HELP-ME” hotline to get some direction – wouldn’t it be great if just one simple phone call could fix everything! But I also realized that this error was my responsibility to fix, and after much soul searching I knew what I had to do. I called this perfectly wonderful candidate, who I knew well and respected, and explained how sorry and embarrassed I was for making such a rush decision without any normal process or council from my valued partners.
As difficult as this phone call was, the mistake was mine. Incredibly, she was kind, compassionate and knew that I valued her. I did not loose her respect and I kept our friendship in tact. I’m also grateful that my partners were equally kind and compassionate.
I believe failure can be healthy if you learn from it. Here are the 8 lessons I have put to good use:
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Take your time: In major decisions you need to keep you emotions out of the process and try to arrive at a wise & logical solution. You will almost never make a great decision in a rush.
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Involve your team or council: The more eyes and ears you have to shape a decision the better the outcome. My executive team was very supportive in helping me look at all sides of this outcome and they allowed me the freedom to find a better solution.
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Acknowledge your failures: Once you acknowledge failure you take away its power and can turn it into something positive. Acknowledgement is the first step to recovery.
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Take full responsibility for your actions: When you take responsibility for your actions you become fully accountable to those around you. This accountability not only gives you the ability to take control of the issue, but can also provide a teachable moment for others. It’s all about integrity.
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Mourn your failure: If you don’t take it to heart you may repeat the mistake. I am dealing with it and am using this blog as part of my coping process.
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Learn the lesson: I never want to fail the same way twice; it shows irresponsibility & insincerity. In this instance I’ve learned to value patience & collaboration when it comes to making big decisions.
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Change your behavior: Once you identify how you made your mistake take steps to monitor your actions (this can actually make your brain grow!). If you don’t the odds of repeating it are great.
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Give it your all: I have to admit it took me about 10 days to recover from this. But I didn’t want to become a hostage to my guilt; I knew I had to forgive myself and move on. Our time and energy are limited and we can’t afford to wallow too long in the aftermath. Click here to read about J.K. Rowling‘s battle with failure, it’s a great story!
After this embarrassing lesson, I have recommitted myself to slowing down, seeking guidance, and not being reactionary. I’ve learned that failure is a powerful teacher and I’m grateful that positive lessons have come out of a poor decision.
What failures have you learned from?
45 Comments
Neil,
I am so glad to be here with you and share in your successes and failures!! Thank you for being open and honest with all of us. You are truly a leader and an inspiration to the men, and women around you. The legacy of a life well lived with be your gift to all who you have touched on this blue ball.
Cheers to you my friend!!
Kari
Hi Kari –
Thank you for your reply! It is actually very easy to open and honest when we are surrounded by people who are open and honest, like you! So thank you for helping me make my course adjustments when I get off course .
Cheers to you my friend!
Neil
Sometimes it is hard to own up to your mistake or failure, but still important to do. I think you can’t really learn from your mistakes if you don’t take steps to correct them or make amends. Being an adult is not always an easy job!
Hi Annette –
Thank you so much for your reply! Your last line is classic, “Being an adult is not always an easy job”. I was saying the something to someone the other day. What ever happened to the days of very little worries? I miss them sometimes. I am trying to make my life a simple as possible in a very complicated world. I always appreciate your wisdom and support. Thank you for taking the time in sharing your perceptive.
Neil
I am reminded often from a poster I have seen online: “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!”
or: “I don’t know why I was in such a hurry to grow up!”
Yes, a trap it is!
I am not in any hurry to grow up, my wife Lisa will tell you I am about 13 years old most days.
Neil,
You model the behavior of great leaders who fail. They view every failure as an opportunity to learn something important.
Hi John –
I value you and your wisdom. You have become a dear friend and close mentor to me. Your leadership within our profession and with Selected Independent Funeral Homes has made our world a better place to live in.
Thank you for being my friend.
Neil
Neil,
We are always harder on ourselves over judgement errors than any other kind. Anyone can get caught up in the moment, but it takes courage to say “I was wrong this time”. Then there’s the big time courage to say it to the entire larger community. Bless you as you get past self flagellation to new successes and completion of those big dreams we know you have. XO Anne
Hi Anne –
Thanks so much for your reply and your kind words.
You have helped shape me over the years, even in the discussions that we agreed to disagree with each other.
You have always been a women of high values and ethics, I admire you for your beliefs.
I value our friendship and the time we have spent together.
Neil
XO
Neil,
You bring a certain grace (yes,grace, or, you may call it savoir-faire) to this work environment. I am grateful for your intellectual, “reaching for the better” management style. (yes, I am talking about you). I have had experience with all management styles, and I compliment you for looking for the “better” in people and being invested in their well-being as productive, caring and responsible individuals. Yes, we all fail. Yes boss, you also fail. You have seen me, and I have seen you. But you, in your position here, offer us a unique opportunity to witness you having the guts to admit it, and in public on a website no less.
This speaks to how one values others, trusts others, and, is vulnerable to others.
I could not, would not, work here if there was a stupid, short-sighted “management by fear” mentality, or one based on the idea that “you are only as good as the last agreement you wrote”. You could say that I am too old to take it, or, “I’ve been there, done that” and am finished with it.
This means that you accept people as they are, with their shortcomings. Of necessity, in return, we are expected to invest ourselves in our work environment 100%, and this is a fair deal. You are loyal and you expect us to be loyal.
You elaborated on a great life lesson, one that turns boys into men and girls into women, kids who become adults with a qualification based on more than just their age. We grow, or I should say, are offered the opportunity to learn to grow, through our life experiences and those of others. This can be through accomplishment or failure. This gives us depth as people and, if we wish, to be a resource to others.
I have never met anyone with any substance or “life sophistication” that hasn’t had to deal with failure. I have never found “depth” in a person who denies responsibility, or views humility as a weakness.
Thank you for your words of encouragement… Now, go out and buy us a “special” lunch.
Hi Greg –
Thank you for your reply!
First of all lunch is on me anytime you would like it, special or not?
I appreciate your kind words and wisdom, we all have something to offer each other.
You have taught me more in our relationship than I could ever offer to teach you.
I agree with you that life gives us learning lessons as long as we are willing to learn from them.
Neil