Connection and Kindness: How We’re Different
We love feedback and part of my job at O’Connor is to meet with families we have recently served to collect their responses, experiences & stories of their time with us.
I love asking the question,
“So, why O’Connor?”
Many families have had a previous experience with us and we are who they trust. Some chose us because of what I call “The Six Degrees of O’Connor” – their kids went to school with one of the O’Connor children or grandchildren, or they know Joe & Jane O’Connor from church, their community or other organizations. Other people I sit with mention driving by for years and knowing this is where they would come when they needed a mortuary.
Recently there has been a trend on an answer that makes me so proud. “Out of the three mortuaries we interviewed, O’Connor was the only one who asked about our loved one.”
Isn’t that sad? If we aren’t in this business to connect with others and care about the loss that has been suffered, we shouldn’t be doing this.
Photo Courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/RapidEye
I’ve found that most of the people calling the mortuary for the first time have a need to talk through what has just happened to them, what they’ve just lost. While they may call with the goal of obtaining the cost for our services, once they are treated with kindness and compassion – and not as a transaction – they are able to talk about what really matters. Once the conversation moves into their life and that of the dear one they have lost, I’ve noticed a marked relaxation in the voice on the other end of the line, they are connecting with me, I am a person, not the credit card machine they talked to at the other place.
This idea of connection and kindness translates into any interaction. I recently decided to try a new dry cleaner. I first walked in and saw the racks were full of clothes – this indicated to me they have many satisfied clients and I quickly learned why this is the case. The owner, Jenny, is the sweetest lady and was concerned that one of my suits still had the tags on it. “Have you tried this on? It’s okay?” She showed concern over removing tags until she knew I was pleased with my purchase. Her concern for her clients is what has brings her so much repeat business. We are people to her, not a transaction.
When I moved to Aliso Viejo several months ago, I had to find a kennel to board my dogs for a few days during the moving process. I went and toured a facility called Pet Suites. I was not only impressed by how clean it was, but by the active interest they took in my dogs from the start.
Now Pet Suites is the only place I would take Max and Bella for boarding or a day of “doggie daycare”. They call my dogs the “Bristol Kids” when they come in and at the end of the day when I pick them up I get a full report on how they played, if they didn’t act quite right or if Max had to be pulled out for bad behavior.
They have made a connection by treating my dogs as if they are part of their family.
We are not just a transaction to them.
Treating people with kindness should always be our highest goal. It is the lasting impression I want anyone calling O’Connor to have. Another proud moment for me when meeting with families is when they say “Everyone here is just so nice.” Those are lasting memories they take away.
|| what do you think?
Can you remember a time you were treated as a credit card instead of a person?
Have you stopped using a business you relied on for years after realizing they no longer made an effort to maintain a connection?
Has your family been served by O’Connor Mortuary? Please share your stories of who left a lasting impression on you.
60 Comments
Lori,
That is so cute that you take Max and Bella there, I think that is where my sister works, she told me about how they do those report cards. I think that’s sweet because so many people like you treat their dogs like family and so its important that a doggy daycare does too. I think there are a few places I have stopped going because they were overly rude to me, I have come to accept that most places don’t have their customer service up to par but that’s okay for me(though I tend to critique a little and vent about it haha)…its when people are actually rude that I say Okay I’m not coming here anymore. My family has been served by O’Connor last year for my brother’s service, and everyone has left a lasting impression on me. I think what meant the most were the questions asked about him, because even though I really didn’t feel like speaking about anything when I did it brought out emotion and I knew that everyone actually cared.
Shasta,
I would love if your sister is caring for Max and Bella when they are there.. that would definitely make me keep taking them!
Okay, I am trying to visualize you venting….I do not think I have ever seen you without a smile. I have never heard you raise your voice either. You are always so sweet.
I am glad we were able to help you through such a difficult time. Being an only child, I can’t imagine the pain you have been through.
I am here whenever you want to share stories of Casey……
XOXOXO Lori
Lori, I am surprised when families are surprised at “how nice we are.” This being my first job experience at a mortuary has closed me off a bit to how other places do it. I just assume we are all caring and polite to our families. Any business should run that way. I remember when my fiancé and I were looking for mattresses and walked into a place in Newport Beach, the sales lady there couldn’t be bothered to even get up to say hello, we went next door to Sit and Sleep and met a nice man who probably didn’t think we were very serious about buying a mattress but still asked questions about us, told us a little bit about himself and the company and had a normal person conversation with us, not a sales pitch, in fact I think we barely spoke about the mattresses we were trying out. We didn’t plan to buy that day so he was right about us not being too serious, but we ended up walking out with an almost $2000 purchase when we found a good mattress because we trusted the man who sold it to us. Now we love our bed and trust that when we need something else or have any mattress issues, we know who to call. We have a doctor, a favorite bartender, a hairdresser, but my fiancé and I now have a “Mattress Man”, haha. It seems silly but its so true, like funeral directors, we won’t need him very often, but its good to know he is there.
Jenn,
You had a “normal person” conversation with someone…wow!
Your story illustrates exactly the point of this post. No matter what profession you are in, if you treat people with kindness and respect, you will gain their trust.
It is important to have a “go to” for each appointment or event.
Once families have experienced O’Connor service, I think it is a huge relief that they can add a “go to” to their list. Like you said, they might not need us very often, but they are sure glad we are when they do…
Thanks for reading and for your fun sense of humor!
Laughter is so important and you are hilarious, even without trying…..
Lori,
Thank you for such a great blog. It feels so good to work in such an amazing organization and company that no matter what truly puts the families first! It is so important to understand how each person that walks thru our doors will be grieving differently and will need help in different ways. O’Connor’s is blessed to have you working here and is even more lucky to have you in family after care. This is your calling!!!
<3 Shayna
Shayna,
I agree with you that we are truly blessed to get to serve families in the way that we do at O’Connor. The tools and professional development that our management provides helps us to recognize what type of personalities we are dealing with so we can meet people where they are, which helps us connect. I hear you on the phone and your caring heart definitely comes through. Thank you for your kind words. I will agree with the “calling” part. I do feel like this is the best season I have been in at O’Connor. I look forward to continual growth and learning to make the families experience the best possible.
Love you!
Lori
I remember when Max & Bella treated me like a credit card instead of a person. The day they greeted my lunch bag instead of me (Love them so much) I try to remember, to treat others as you would want to be treated, it is a lasting impression. Great blog Lori!
Diana,
Lol!! That is so funny….not Bella so much, but Max ALWAYS heads for your lunch bag! You always treat others with kindness. It is, after all, why you are our Director of First Impressions!
Love you….soooo much,
Lori
That is correct, families we serve are acknowledged as people whom have had a death and we commit ourselves fully to gain their trust and help them through their grief. We show them that we care and demonstrate the upmost care and respect for their loved one whom has past away. We definitely do not see them as a transaction! Sadly, mortuaries have a bad connotation in our society. Not only because of the natural circumstances of there being a death but because many other providers treat families like they are simply a transaction. Thank you for much for your commitment to the families we serve. I agree with you that it is all about building a connection with the family. It is already the most difficult time in a persons life when there has been a death of someone that is greatly loved but to have someone helpful, resourceful, caring, compassionate and whom builds a meaningful relationship with people is a heart-warming feeling/experience. You do so wonderfully with our families and following up with them!
p.s The “Bristol kids” are super cute!
Stacy,
Thank you for reading and for your comments. I so appreciate your kind feedback. I have watched you interact and go above and beyond for families. You “get” that this is not a transaction. Being entrusted with the care of a family who has experienced significant loss is not to be taken lightly. You do not and I appreciate being on a team with you where we are all on the same page.
PS – Thank you for thinking the “Bristol Kids” are cute….I do too!
XOXO Lori