So, What’s a Celebrant?
Last year I had never heard of a Celebrant. A what? What do they do? Sounds weird.
Last week I walked into a room with 20 strangers, all there to learn about how to make a funeral personal & each life meaningful. When I was told that on the last day of training I would have to present a eulogy I had written for a fictitious person I felt overwhelmed, “How in the world will I do that?” I wondered. After 2 days of full training we were split into groups and given a situation to create a service around.
Suicide. Baby. Alzheimers. Senior. Child.
“Molly, you’re team has the teenager.” deep breath, ok, a teenager. Ugh.
I got together with my teammates, now friends after these few days of deep and incredible learning & discussion. We created Jimmy Green, a young man, a soccer player who died of leukemia leaving behind parents, a brother and sister.
I was up until 2am writing Jimmy’s eulogy and presented it with my teammates the next morning in the string of the 8 funerals enacted. As I spoke about Jimmy’s life an odd thing happened, my voice choked and caught with emotion and I had to pause in grief over a boy who never lived. I looked up to see others in the audience also with tears in their eyes and I knew that what I was doing was powerful.
Today I am a Certified Funeral Celebrant and passionate about informing the world about the beautiful service a Celebrant can give to a family.
THE PURPOSE OF A CELEBRANT
To quote our trainers, the amazing Doug Manning (author of The Funeral & Don’t Take My Grief Away From Me – read these!) and brilliant Glenda Stansbury, “A Celebrant provides a funeral service that is personalized to reflect the personality and life-style of the deceased.”
The original idea of a Celebrant came about as a solution for families who didn’t have a home church or religious affiliation. Australia was the first place to create this unique role, built around telling the story of the life as it was lived. There are many families where a religious funeral doesn’t fit and the need for someone who can tell their story even so is needed.
Therefore, Celebrants specialize in more “secular” services, often writing eulogies for lives that no pastors knew.
Please don’t mistake me for saying that pastors do not give meaningful services, many of them do. The issue lies in creating a service that stays true to the life being honored. If they weren’t religious, then the family may feel a religious service isn’t appropriate. While that’s up to the family, isn’t it wonderful to have an option that can speak straight and truly to the life being remembered? I think it’s pretty wonderful and VERY important.
WHAT A CELEBRANT DOES
A certified Funeral Celebrant will meet with the deceased’s family the week of the service for several hours. This meeting serves to acquaint the Celebrant with the myriads of stories that the family has to tell, the good, the bad & the ugly.
After listening, note taking & asking questions, the Celebrant leaves to write the personal story with the tools of their training.
Furthermore, Glenda encouraged us all to take our tribute a step further by finding a giveaway token that represents an aspect of the life we honor. Whether it’s a favorite candy, signature recipe, a game piece or custom bookmark, giving your audience a token of remembrance validates their relationship lost and gives them an object of comfort. Beautiful? Yes, beautiful.
WHY YOU SHOULD CONSIDER A CELEBRANT
Concept image with What is Your Story printed on an old typewriter
The Celebrant’s goal and purpose is to tell the life story with an honesty and graciousness that presents a real and full picture of the person we have gathered to remember.
One of the services that we heard in the training was for a young man who had struggled with drugs and addiction for nearly all of his 30 years. The eulogy touched on his AA experiences, incorporated some of the inspiriting quotations that AA focuses on, and still left each of us with the knowledge that he had led a life that had mattered, that had mattered to others, and that was going to be missed. Celebrant services are quite often given to people who some might deem unworthy of a service – to them I say, every life has a meaning and a story that should be heard.
I attended a funeral where the deceased was hardly mentioned. The way he died (which was tragic) was never spoken of, and the pastor’s attempt to be personal amounted to him telling us the different nicknames his family had for him. I didn’t hear about my friend, I couldn’t find him in the service and I had come to find him and to say goodbye.
I left that service with a deeply unsettled heart. My friend wasn’t spoken of, the tragedy of his death was the elephant in the room that the pastor couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge. This felt so wrong and like such a disservice to the joyful life and friend I had known. The pastor knew almost nothing about him, it was obvious. He had hardly even bothered to learn about the life we were there to remember, he was unworthy of telling the story.
Doug said in our training,
“Even the worst commercial is scripted, planned & rehearsed. But not funerals.”
In a similar way, we extensively plan weddings, birthday & retirement parties that are usually uniquely customized to the preferences of the person being celebrated. So why does this happen so little at a funeral? Families make wonderful gestures by bringing in photos, trinkets and beloved possessions of their loved one but shouldn’t the eulogy reflect who we are there remembering as well?
A personalized funeral does not just tell the story, it also provides a fitting tribute that families crave and need as they begin their journey through grief. A story left untold or told poorly lay troubled and burdened paths out before the grieving.
We feel charged as leaders in our profession and guides for our families to bring them the very best.
If you would like to learn more about Celebrants, we have an opportunity for you. On April 3rd we are hosting an “A Celebration of Art: Two Paths One Journey” at the mortuary featuring the art of one of our favorite Funeral Celebrants, Ty Rose. Ty will share briefly about his experience as a Celebrant and how the impact of his work has shaped and given purpose to so much of his art.
The evening is open to all and I sincerely hope you’ll come to enjoy some fine art, taste good food, sip some wine and mingle with our Celebrant friends.
Finally, my favorite line of Glenda’s: “The highest compliment I receive as a Celebrant is when someone comes up to me and asks, ‘How long did you know Jimmy?’ to which I reply, ‘You know, I actually never knew him, but I wish I had.’”
|| what do you think?
– Would you want a Celebrant Service? Why or why not?
– Have you seen a personalized service? How did it impact you?
To learn more about Celebrants and Doug & Glenda, click here.
47 Comments
Molly, I am always in awe when I hear Keith or Ty do a service, its like having a book read to you that is compelling and meaningful but it is actually the story of someones life. You truly do walk away feeling like you know the person. I feel sad when I see services that are religion specific, not that there is anything wrong with religious services but a funeral should be specifically about the one who has passed. I am incorporating the celebrant idea into my wedding planning, our friend is performing the ceremony and we are going to sit with him and have him tell the “story of us” rather than a bunch of readings and prayer I think everyone who takes the time to come should walk away feeling like they know us as a couple and not just I know the groom or the bride. Thank you for sharing this blog with us.
Jenn!
I love your idea! Stories are continually what are missing from so many of our important life events. Bryce & I were fortunate to have family do our ceremony and share some of our experiences together, it was lovely, funny and personal. I didn’t structure it well, I didn’t even realize it was set apart from other services but it absolutely is. I applaud your choice and intention to have your stories told! Beautiful!
Thanks for sharing Jenn!
Molly,
Thank you so much for this informative blog. My family experienced the art of the Celebrant just last week. My Unkie (mom’s brother and only sibling) died and we were a family in need. My Unkie had gone to church as a child, but like so many wandered away from the Lord. His story was one of Love, grief, joy, pain, smiles and sorrow. Our Celebrant (Keith Page) met with our family and helped us tell his story. The end result was a glaringly honest and loving tribute to a man that we loved deeply and lost too soon. Working at O’Connor’s is one of the great blessings in my life. Knowing that other families in need have our team and resources to walk them through their grief is overwhelming. I can not express how our Celebration of the Life of Jim Branch has helped me begin my journey of grief. It was truly priceless. I am so excited for our company and the families that we will touch in the coming years. The possibilities are endless!!
oxoxo
kari
Kari,
I’m so happy that your family choose to have Keith and the Celebrant experience for your beloved “Unkie” – it was the perfect choice for him. You not only have a clearer road paved ahead of you, you have the beautiful memory of that service, and an experience that you can share with others.
I loved your Unkie’s service, it was so powerful and such a testament to the value of life, of all life, rough and tough lives. It was incredible.
You said goodbye beautifully and I hope that continues to give you and your family peace whenever you think about him.
Molly
Kristen,
Thank you so much for sharing about your recent experience.
One of the things that stood out to me in the training was the emphasis that was placed on the family meeting. Doug said that this wasn’t just a time for him to learn about the person, he said it was probably the most important part of the grieving process, that it’s the beginning of the road, it’s when everyone gets to tell their stories, when things open up and memories surge together to form a life.
I love that you found so much meaning and catharsis in that experience. We underestimate the value of talking about our grief, maybe we feel that others don’t want to hear us, but it doesn’t matter – we NEED to talk about it and a safe environment like that one is the best place for that to happen.
Seriously, thank you so much for the comment and sharing your experience with a Celebrant service, I’m so glad it gave you so much.
Molly
Molly . . . Congratulations on becoming a Celebrant. I can see you in that role of helpmate and storyteller in the truest sense of the word. And thank you for sharing your experience with us.
My brother Jim died on February 19th after years of struggling to do the right thing, failing most of the time. I thought about doing a Visitation with a Graveside service at Riverside National Cemetery. He was estranged from his children and only recently moved to California because of health issues. He was a Vietnam Vet, struggled with additions, was cantankerous and sharped tongued, and kept his family at bay most of his life. My grandson, Michael,(Service Direct at O’Connor’s) was adamant about bringing in Celebrant Keith Page,to tell my brother’s story. The meeting was scheduled on a Sunday afternoon at 4:00 pm, 4 days before the service. With his daughter and son there, along with me and and my 4 children, we spewed out our memories. It was amazing to hear my kids remember all the great times they had with him when they were little. And as many fun memories as there were, there were as many or more memories that brought up anger, resentment, frustration and disappointment. Keith was able to get to the heart and soul of my brother. He was so many things to us. He was the Prodigal Son, so to speak. Wanting to love us to love him, but didn’t know himself how to love back. Before the 3.5 hour meeting was over, we really were able to come together as a family and begin our journey of healing. His daughter Jayme had come to realize that her dad had as many great qualities as he had not so great qualities. She was encouraged to write a letter, which she adamantly refused to read. And there is where Keith walked along side her and said he would do that for her. He was never judgmental, frustrated or asking us to give more than we had. He was heartfelt, encouraging, empathic and supportive. He was everything we needed to move forward. When he left we all felt a sense of community. Of coming together as a family and supporting one another in our grief and sadness. Keith was the one who would tell our story and honor the man who was dark and light, heaven and hell, life and death. My brother was worthy and we were going to honor that. His life mattered. In the end, his service did just that. As a family we have come to know and realize the importance of telling the “true story”. The services we have in the future will definitely be told by a Celebrant. Our grief journey has just begun, but we are already experiencing the healing power it is bringing to all of us. I could go on and on, but won’t. Thank you for this blog. I am so grateful to everyone at O’Connor’s for helping me. My brother’s service was most definitely the right thing to do.
Lovingly,
Auntie Pat
Funeral celebrant training Australia
Qualtrain is a professional online celebrant course and training organization; We successfully delivering marriage celebrant course, funeral celebrant training and ongoing professional development.
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