All the Ways You’re Still With Me

If you are grieving this holiday season – we are so sorry.

Grief is likely not going the way you thought it would. That’s kind of how it is for a while.

Maybe you’ve had moments where you’ve felt your loved one is still with you – a special feeling of connection caught in the lighting of a candle or the notes of a favorite song.

Maybe it’s been the opposite, you’ve felt alone and in the dark. The whole idea of “feeling their presence” is craved but cynically seen.

I have this to offer: we find what we look for.

If you are looking to be alone – you will find signs that you are everywhere.

If you are looking for connection to your loved one – you will find signs of them everywhere.

When we are diligent to attune what we are looking for with what we want – we will find a world that is kinder and more beautiful.

So, if you want to feel that connection to your loved one, here are a few things to look for:

1. Their touches throughout your house. What things did they pick out or place around the home? Where is their imprint? There is very likely something they left behind that is still impacting you and shaping the world you see everyday.
2. Their words in your head. What phrases did they rattle off that are now part of your everyday vocabulary? What bits of wisdom continue to help you? What jokes still make you laugh? Their voice is still resonant.
3. Their connection to others. Think of the other people that are missing your loved one this Christmas. They are proof of that connection and they are hurting with you. Reach out to them in a simple way. A text saying, “I’m missing them today, and I know you are too” can help both of you inestimably.
4. Think of your future. How will your loved one come along with you into your future? It isn’t the way you had planned/hoped/dreamed – that’s all changed. But they can still come with you. Their love can guide you and accompany you, their spirit comfort you, their life can inspire your own.
5. Finally, look for them. Many people report seeing specific animals in moments they are thinking of their loved one – butterflies or birds. Some people feel breezes or find flowers that bring the presence of their loved one to them. So, look for them – see how they come back to you. It will be unique and special, just like your connection to each other.

We find what we look for.

May you find you are surrounded by love this holiday season.

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