Grandma and “My Girl” – How A 2 Year Old Broke Through to A 100 Year Old Heart
I started babysitting my friend’s daughter, Malia, when she was three months old. The first time was as a favor because her parents could not find a sitter for the day. The next time was just for fun since I love babies and soon I found that I loved having Malia around. We now have the tradition of spending every other Tuesday together.
Five months ago I introduced her to my Grandma. I hesitated to make the introduction because in previous years my Grandma had been very jealous of my attention and was never excited to know that she would have to share.
But on this Tuesday I decided I would take a chance. I took Malia over and my Grandma’s heart melted instantly. She smiled the biggest smile I have seen from her in years. She held Malia on her lap, sang to her, hugged and kissed her. When it was time to leave, the new best friends gave each other the sweetest kiss.
It is a picture I will always treasure.
About a month or so after this introduction, my Grandma broke her hip and had to undergo surgery. For those of you who have faithfully followed the blog, this IS the same Grandma who I thought I was going to lose a couple of years ago when she fractured her pelvis. She is tough as nails and at 99 years old made it through surgery and rehabilitation.
While her body has survived the assaults it has been dealt, her mind has not faired as well. The dementia that was already present has accelerated significantly. Most days she is delusional and weaves tales with little factual basis. Some days she is extremely agitated and argumentative, she’s even insisted that the caregivers are plotting to kill her.
Grandma reached her milestone birthday, 100, on May 28th but she was not physically or mentally able to celebrate as we had hoped. Her life has now been reduced to either being in a hospital bed or a wheelchair and sleeping most of the time.
The one thing Grandma does remember is “my girl”. If I go over on an alternate Tuesday and do not have Malia with me, I might as well not even show up. Even if I explain that Malia has to spend time with her own Grandma, she pouts and barely speaks to me.
But when I do show up with Malia in tow, all is right in Grandma’s world. The smile spreads quickly across her lips, and a gleam returns to her eyes. She is at her happiest when that little girl is on her lap.
Children have an amazing way of caring for those who are nearing the end of their life. Malia climbs up the wheelchair without hesitation into my Grandma’s eagerly waiting arms. Malia holds her frail hand and gives her such special attention. They have a language all their own.
I often think it may be hard for Malia once my Grandma is gone. She is part of our day. We first go to our favorite breakfast spot, Ted’s Place, and then on to Grandma’s. Will this be hard for her or will she just carry on with childlike resiliency? Will I have a hard time on Malia days with the void that will be left when we no longer have Grandma to visit?
For now I shift my focus to being grateful for the joy this little girl has brought into our lives. My Grandma has lived a life filled with tragedies that have resulted in her putting up walls of bitterness. A two year old came in and broke through those walls in one visit. There have been many days when I thought my Grandma and I would not be on speaking terms when she passed. We have been given the gift of a special little girl who has brought us closer together. Our visits are now filled with smiles and laughter instead of my grandma obsessively discussing her bills.
Each morning I wake up expecting this could be the day I get “the call”. I will be sad, but I do not dread it like I used to. I have had weeks of seeing my Grandma happier than I can remember in years. That feeling of peace is priceless and to think it is all the work of a two year old.
|| what do you think?
Have you witnessed the joy a child can bring to someone with dementia?
Do you have children or grandchildren who have cared for family members or friends in their final stages of life?
34 Comments
Lori
What a very touching story you shared and what a sweet photo. What a special time that was for you to witness the interaction between your grandmother and Malia , my own children have shared the same interaction with my parents I will say times like those are priceless. Thanks so much again for sharing your story.
Sincerely , Joe Lavoie
Joe,
You are in the interesting position that you have had two sets of kids who can care for your parents. What a special gift to them!
Kids are healing for all of us. Glad I skipped right to the Grandma stage so I can enjoy every minute, spoil her rotten and give her back!
Love,
Lori
Thank you for sharing your wonderful story Lori. It is truly amazing to take notice of how little people bring smiles to our faces. As adults, we are so caught up in out own busy schedules and tasks/errands that need to be done and can go on and on that way. Children certainly make a difference and can bring smiles to our face. I know my little sister and nephew do to me. I forget about my stresses and problems when I am around those kids, I laugh so hard and feel happy around them. I am very blessed to have them in my life. I can imagine you and your grandma feel joyous when Malia is around. Thanks again for sharing! And very nice picture you shared with us of your grandma and Malia, cute!
Stacy,
Thank you for reading and sharing your experience. You are right, children do bring smiles. It is nearly impossible, even in the grocery store, to encounter one and not break out in a grin. I especially enjoy seeing things through Malia’s eyes. It is fun to see that childlike wonder. We can play catch with a dog toy for thirty minutes. Every experience is new and fun for kids and it is good medicine for those of us who always in a hurry to play along with them.
Lori
Lori,
Thanks for sharing with us the wonderful relationship of your two buddies. What is age anyway? just a number? 88 year age difference, so what, a connection is made and that is all that counts. Children have a way of cutting through the red tape of this world and just being, to bad we lose that child like quality as we get older. Great photo, Minni Joanna!
Love,
Chuck
Chuck,
You said it perfectly, “a connection is made and that is all that counts”. Isn’t that what is all boils down to between any two people? If you think she looks like Joanna, wait until you experience the El Salvadoran temper!
Love,
Lori
Hi Lori
Wonderful, well-written and touching on a subject filled with the beauty of little children. They have no baggage to bring to a new relationship, just openness, curiosity and acceptance.
When any of us come to a new relationship that way, it has a greater chance of becoming something just as wonderful.
I am glad for Malia, for grandma, and for you.
Love,
Anne
Annie,
You have heard my stories of Grandma and understand just about more than anyone how much these final days mean to me. What an unexpected gift. That little girl has grown on both of us. I wish I could freeze her at this age!
Love you!
Lori
Lori,
Your grandma is very luck to have you two come and visit. What a gift and time to treasure of seeing your grandma happy if just for a moment. Feel proud in what you have brought to her and to yourself. It’s funny how children yet so small make such an impact. I hope that this joy continues for her as well as you. What a memory to cherish.
Thanks for sharing you story.
Amy
Amy,
You have heard many stories of days when the visits did not go as smoothly. It is really nice to have a little friend to bring along who takes the pressure off of me. Malia has truly been a gift to both of us. I really cannot remember seeing my Grandma this happy in many, many years…….
Lori