This post isn’t to take away from the joy of those celebrating or being celebrated this Mother’s Day – go for it, enjoy and make the most of your time with the people you love.
But for those of you who are in the shadow-side of Mother’s Day because your mother has died, or, because your child has died, let’s talk, this post is for you.
Well, you will get through, you will. You may feel alone in it, so let me encourage you to invite her in to the day. Find ways of reminding yourself of her, embracing the person she was, and allowing yourself the time and space to be happy and sad, memory-filled and nostalgic.
How do you pick up the pieces of yourself as a woman, a mother, a person broken by pain? Perhaps you are still mothering your other children or you lost the only child you have; I need to tell you this; you have not failed as a mom, this loss was not your fault. And, you are still a mom; nothing can change that. You are changed as you enfold this huge loss into your life and though you will never be the same, you are not less.
So, how in the world do you face Mother’s Day when you are missing the little babe that made you “mom”?
This is a much different type of grief than losing our own mothers, mostly and quite simply because it does not happen to everyone. Losing a child is something no one should have to endure. These griefs are complicated by the spectrum of circumstances that grieving parents find themselves in; a pregnancy that miscarries within the first few weeks, a stillborn baby delivered at full term, a 2 year old who dies in an accident, a SIDS death that will leave you wondering “if I had just (fill in the blank) …” for the rest of your life.
To you moms, I offer this: Think long and hard about what you need on Sunday. What is going to be the best path for you in getting through the day. The ideas below may bring more pain than comfort to some of you, take what you like and leave the rest. None of these ideas will be easy and they will not make your pain go away, but they may help you look at your pain and talk to it a little easier.
Sons & daughters, moms & dads, these pains are tremendous and deserve so much more than a little blog could ever offer. I wish all of you a day brimming with memories, peace, and the comfort of being loved. May your Mother’s Day be meaningful and rich in the memories of those you are missing <3