The Difference a Remembrance Service Makes

The Difference a Remembrance Service Makes for those grieving at Christmas

The service has beautiful live music, a photo presentation of those being honored, a time when their names are read-a-loud, and finally, everyone stands and places a candle on the steps in memory. And then, after the tears, we all exit to treats and warm drinks and slowly, but always surely, conversations turn to stories and laughter and we all leave lighter and glad for the night.

This year I felt it deeply, the deep aching sigh of grief that somehow, after letting it happen, left me feeling able to go out and into the rest that December had to offer. In thinking about it, I realized that when we are intentional about taking time to mourn, we claim something: we allow our grief rather than avoid it . I hesitate to say we “take control” of our grief because I’m not sure that’s something anyone can do. But, practically, we know grief is there and if it’s there, we are wise to tolerate the pain and let it be.

I think it’s so appropriate at our Candlelight Service that everyone places a small candle in memory and together, they illuminate the dark with our love and grief. Seeing a physical representation of grief is powerful and then seeing that grief can create something beautiful is just poetry.

If you are grieving this Christmas and didn’t get to attend the Candlelight Service or maybe you did and you need something more, I would strongly encourage you to find a way to allow and tolerate your grief.

• Set a start and stop time or have a list of things you want to do to remember and honor. Having some parameters will help you find an ending that allows you to leave that grief space and take a break or be done for the night.

• If you want to, ask a few others to join you or make a plan to be with them after your time of remembrance. The grief is so hard but being alone or believing you’re alone is often harder. The Candlelight Service reminds everyone how they aren’t alone. There are so many more people grieving than you could imagine. When we are willing to let our grief come up and connect us to others, we can see that it can be a way into friendship and shared understanding.

• As far as what you can do to honor their memory: light a candle while listening to some soothing music, pick out or make a special ornament in their memory and place it on the tree, go through photos and say their name out loud. You can write down some of your memories about your loved one, or savor some of their favorite treats.

There are so many ways you can pause to remember. Allow the time to go the way you want it to – either planning it out or letting it build organically. You cannot do it wrong.

So, if you are feeling anxiety, worry, or sorrow approaching Christmas I encourage you to indulge those emotions, let them out. Take the deep sigh of grief, let it out and let it open you up to the hope and possibility of light and laughter this holiday season.

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