Gordieh Banoo Samimi, 85

I am Gordi. I died peacefully on November 22, 2020 at around 2:30 PM in Terrace View Rehab center recuperating from two back to back hip fractures with successful surgeries. After the first surgery, I, a 85-year-old lady, was actually walking with the aid of a walker (which I always disliked) for almost 30 feet with little assistance in just 3 weeks. That’s a great feat for a lady of that age with dementia, isn’t it? Everybody tells me that I owe my rather speedy recovery to my determination, strength and resolve dealing with many hurdles throughout my life and never giving up. That’s perhaps the most important legacy I leave for my children and grandchildren, Aidan and Emily.

I was doing well after my first surgery but I fell the second time while in the rehab. Maybe it was me thinking or perhaps not thinking that I still lacked the strength to stand up alone. Maybe it was the mistake of the male nurse whom I asked to leave the restroom because I wasn’t comfortable. Maybe he should have not gone too far, maybe it was a fate, whatever the reason, I fell again and broke my other hip, followed by another surgery.

The second fall was physically and mentally devastating to me. It felt hopeless, the pain was excruciating. I tried to overcome the excruciating pain, but it seemed like my body wouldn’t want to take my strong will anymore. You see, I didn’t want to be there, not seeing my loved ones getting closer than a “behind the window visit” was unbearable, and the recovery became a mirage. I missed my mom (mamani) in heaven and I told that to my beautiful daughter-in-law, Samaneh.

And finally, on a Sunday, my heart stopped quietly and I perhaps showed and proved to everybody again that I alone will determine my fate and destiny. On Sunday the curtain of my room and my life came down.

I leave behind a son, Soheil, and a daughter, Soosan. They are good kids. They kept thinking of how they could take me back home, all the time, they tried to keep me hopeful. They kept saying that I would need a bit more time, to get stronger, but wait I couldn’t do any longer, I just wanted to go home…..Their words were too long for me to comprehend, the distance between their words to my brain was not just from the window of my room to my head, it was far, far more. Not much that was said could reach me and I didn’t know why, exactly. All I could think of was there is no use if I can no longer be self-sufficient, the home and freedom was becoming a mirage in a barren desert of my condition.

I leave behind my sisters. Farah was my companion, my go-to when I needed anything, my rock. Selfless person as she was, she was always there to absorb my strong personality and say nothing. She cooked for me all the time, took care of my needs, and her love went above and beyond a sisterly duty.

Soudi, my older sister for whom I have immense respect, was always there for me. She listened and guided me through my darkest days.

Manzar, the youngest, was young in age but old in wisdom. She comforted me and reminded me of how lucky I was in all senses.

I love them all.

I can go on and on and on, listing so many people I loved dearly in my life. They mostly accepted me the way I was and always respected me even though at times they disagreed with my actions and my ways.

I never had an issue being alone, you know. Some people are like that and I am one of them. I had my own world and deeds in life. I enjoyed spending a lot of time gathering stuff, organizing them. My flowers were my biggest friends. I leave them all behind, nice and healthy. People should know me by my flowers and plants. Well fed, well groomed, and well taken care of. That’s what life is all about in my world and that’s how I treated those I loved.

I am gone now. I will be put in my eternal, everlasting, peaceful “home” on Thursday, December 3 at 10:00 AM .

I lived independent and will always be remembered as independent “Banoo” who did it all her way, all the way to the last breath.

No dementia or a broken hip could ever change my resolve, and at the end I managed to convince my heart to stop beating.

What is better in life than being strong and determined, in living and in death.