“You Killed Lilly!”: Losing a Childhood Pet
It was the summer of 1979 about 5:30 in the afternoon, that warm time of day when all the neighborhood kids were outside playing basketball and skateboarding. Life was good, we were a bunch of clueless kids without a care in the world, enjoying one of those long, California, summer afternoons.
At the bottom of our driveway was Lilly, the family dog & neighborhood mascot. Our 12 year old black Cocker Spaniel was relaxing in the sun and keeping an eye on us . . . she had no idea she was about to meet Mr. Goodyear.
Little did we know that inside our house a storm was brewing between my sister and my Mom. My sister (she is still in the witness protection program ; ) wanted to borrow the car to go out with her girlfriend, but Mom had said “no”. After much pleading and begging, my Mom finally gave in and let my sister have the keys. As it turns out these were the keys to the Pearly Gates for Lilly . . . you can see where this is going! My sister backed down the driveway without knowing Lilly was there. Bam, bam, bark bark, yelp, bye bye, Lilly! To our amazement Lilly was still in one piece without looking any different, she must have had a heart attack just seeing the car coming at her.
The neighborhood skateboarders where ready to mob Colleen as she ran into our house crying. We all stood around Lilly, in shock that the neighborhood dog was dead and no longer with us, we had no clue what to do from here.
As a kid you never really appreciate your parents until life starts handing you some life lessons. My Dad, Joe O’Connor, a third generation funeral director rode up to save the day, and no, he was not driving the company hearse.
If you know my Dad, he is a no-nonsense type of guy, I call him my “John Wayne cowboy.” Dad assessed the situation and immediately took charge. “Joey go get the shovel,” “Neil go get a blanket,” he went and got two 2x4s. Dad took off Lilly’s collar and carefully wrapped her in the blue blanket. The whole neighborhood stood watching as we began preparing to say goodbye to our well-loved dog.
You could sense the WOW factor – this crazy Irish family was going to town on a home burial. As my Dad dug the grave in our front yard our friendly neighbor poked her head out and yelled, “ You are not going to bury that dog in your front yard!” My dad slowly turned to look at her, and without losing his digging-rhythm, said, “Yes we are, and you need to go back into your house.” She took his advice and went back inside her home without another word.
Once the grave was dug, we placed dear old dead Lilly in her new earthly home. We all took turns with the shovel, slowly covering Lilly with the earth. We built a cross with the 2x4s, wrote Lilly’s name on it and marked where she was buried. We all gathered around the grave, held hands and said a quick prayer, then placed Lilly’s collar on the cross.
That was that, and Lilly was gone. We all had the look of what is next? Not sure what to do, we slowly went back to our houses in tears.
Looking back in time I realize that my Dad helped all of us process Lilly’s death. The ceremony we held provided stability and order in the chaos of our early grief. Lilly was not only a family/neighborhood dog; she was a valued member of our family and our surrounding community.
I learned from Lilly’s death and my Dad’s direction that the ceremonies we observe when a loved one dies have an important purpose, not only for the immediate family but also for the entire community of friends and associates.
We were given a place to say goodbye, we all got to play a part in her burial, and our neighborhood now had a new marker that stood erected in Lilly’s memory.
Even though grief was an unfamiliar landscape for us kids, we were shepherded by my father into a direction of healing amidst our grief. The ceremony we held made it possible for all of us to feel the loss together and feel the impact that one sweet old dog had had on all of our lives.
27 Comments
Neil
The unfortunate thing about pets is they live many years less than us even under the best of circumstances. But when sisters get the car and had to beg so long, all they want to do now is get where they planned to go, a pet better be nowhere in the vicinity. Sorry for Lilly.
Lou and I had many, many pets. Often 3 dogs at a time plus a cat. One time when April was a toddler, Lou opened the gate to our yard where we lived at the time to drive to the corner grocer for a pack of cigarettes. The sweet little terrier we had at the time, somehow got out and wanting to ride along, got under the wheels, unbeknownst to Lou and was crushed.
To the end of his life, Lou will feel remorse for that little ball of fluff. We all loved her…him most of all. He will care for all the animals of heaven in some way, we have always said, because his love for pets often seemed to exceed his love for humans. xoxo Annie
Hi Anne –
Thanks for your reply! I love the thought of Lou being the care taker for our pets that have gone before us. XOXO
Hi Neil,
You touch a a lovely subject that touch my Heart. We had a Mini Sheltie call “SUMMER” she was
with us on first day of “SUMMER” She was are pride and joy of the Family gave so much love to al
of us thru out our lives. Her sweet Disposition was embraced. My Dear Husband had pass
away than six months later she did. She care sooo much for my Husband they had walk together
all the time. It was very difficult time for myself & Children having to bare lost of our Love One
& Pet. To console my children I said she had miss their DAD and went with him. That seem to
accept their reasoning. We were Bless to have an adorable “Summer” Thanks Neil for the
Memory. Miss having her on my LAP.!!!!! Take Care!!! Frannie
Hi Frannie –
Thank you for your reply. I love the name you gave Summer, I am sorry for the loss of your Husband & Summer. I am glad you have fond memories of your family.
This reminds me of a time when we, as a newly joined family (our daughters aged 9 months apart and me and my new husband) gathered to bury Brazilian green snakes we had bought for both of them. We had been gone on a family vacation to San Francisco for 5 days and when we returned the snakes were struggling to survive, even though we had left crickets in their cage for them to eat. One daughter was interested in reptiles; the other needed to learn an appreciation of them to understand her new sister’s interests. It was painful to see them die from the tail-end up; yet we knew not what to do to help them. In their passing, we decided on a snake burial at the side of the house which included dress attire complete with hats and bible. The dress attire was a part one daughter knew well. The other daughter was accepting of the protocol in spite of the reptilian life of the snakes. In the long run, both daughters learned valuable lessons in the sad demise of these two beautiful snakes.
Hello dear friend . . .
It’s amazing that we move in that direction to help our children understand a valuable lesson. That all life is worth honoring. Children more than not learn from the death of their pets. It’s a critical lesson in the “circle of life”
Thanks so much for your comments . . . I always look forward to you sharing your words of wisdom.
Pt
Hello dear friend . . .
It’s amazing that we move in that direction to help our children understand a valuable lesson. That all life is worth honoring. Children more than not learn from the death of their pets. It’s a critical lesson in the “circle of life”
Thanks so much for your comments . . . I always look forward to you sharing your words of wisdom.
Pat
Hi Diane –
Thank you for your reply. That is an amazing story! I am glad you could give your children an opportunity to say goodbye, you have taught them a valuable lesson.
Hi Diane –
Thank you for your reply! I love you story about your family and your snakes. It makes total sense to honor the ones you love, regardless of species. You have created a healthy ritual in your family.
Thanks for the great insight into the importance of ceremony, honesty and acceptance in the face of loss. Losing a pet can be devastating to all of us and being taught that death is a part of life is a valuable lesson for a child. Well written!
Hi Cheryl –
Thank you for your reply. All of our pets become part of our family and give us so many great memories. It is hard to say goodbye, yet that simple ceremony helped all of us move forward.
I still love Lilly!
Neil, your experience reminds me so much of my sweet pet rat that we had a funeral for. That service was really important to me, so much so that, like you, I can still remember it today.
Thanks for sharing your great story & reminding all of us that commemoration, gathering, and remembering whatever it is that we have loved and lost is invaluable to the human experience & process of healing.
Molly Keating
Hi Molly –
Thank you for your reply! Ever life has value, and we should all honor all of Gods creatures.
I am glad you had such a special place in your heart for your Rat, even the smalls of animals can bring joy to our lives.