What Comes to Mind When You Think About the Holidays?

What comes to mind?… when you think about the holidays.

I was shocked and I have to admit a little disappointed in my one word response to that question when it was poised to me.

“Hectic”

Hectic, really?

What happened to the sheer joy of the holidays that I used to feel as a child and young man? Where did those feelings go? Now don’t get me completely wrong, I still can find some joy in the holidays and I’m lucky because being around my family on both sides is pretty much always a great thing with positive energy almost all the time. I say positive almost all the time because we are a family, not robots.

The sure joy you would have as a kid for Halloween, Thanksgiving and of course Christmas was palpable. Now candy, good food and presents are always something that can bring a kid joy and even us older folks. But there was also and underlying theme at least in my home… love. It was about coming together to catch up and share with our family and friends and give thanks. There was something very comforting in that.

Fast-forward to now ,I have a wife, three children (two teenagers), a job (a good thing), a mortgage, bills, responsibility etc. and the responsibility of creating the holiday experience for them.

Here are some of the “hectic” things I have to think about when planning out the holidays:

  • When am I going to find the time, to put up all the decorations, get the needed supplies of candy, food, presents.
  • How much am I going to spend, how much can I afford?
  • Where am I going, who am I going to disappoint for not being there.
  •  The list just goes on and on doesn’t it. I have a strange feeling I’m not the only one that can have these stresses and anxieties.

What I have found helps me at this time of year is to do my best to have an “attitude of gratitude and thanks” I know this is always easier said then done, but when I take the time to do so it always puts things in perspective for me. Instead of stressing about who I will disappoint, I relish that I have the options I have, many people do not. Instead of stressing about the money I will be spending on all of the gifts, I thank the stars that I have wonderful, healthy children to get candy and presents for as well as friends and family to break bread with – again, many people do not.

So I do my best to slow down, enjoy the moment and bring a-little-kid-sparkle back into the holidays. Am I successful 100% of the time… no, but enough to allow me to enjoy. I thought I would never be able to duplicate that feeling of seeing my new Schwinn Stingray under the tree and maybe I cannot, but seeing the smile on my children’s faces when they are living in that moment comes pretty darn close.

The holidays can bring up a lot of sadness, loneliness and anxiety in a lot of people. I sometimes am one of those people, even as a funeral director I’m not immune. However I’m also one of the very fortunate ones that can take a step back and acknowledge the good and all I have to be thankful for, even through this very hectic and all consuming time we call the holidays. So be the grateful one if at all possible and if only for a moment you may be brought back to that magical time of holidays past.

  • When you are down, what is on your list that you are grateful for that can make you appreciate the moment and what you have?
  • What are your fondest child hood memories of Halloween, Thanksgiving and/or Christmas?
Molly Keating
Molly Keating
Hello! I'm Molly and I run & manage the Blog here at O'Connor. I grew up in a mortuary with a mortician for a father who's deep respect for the profession inspired me to give working at a mortuary a try. Work at O'Connor has brought together two of my deep passions, writing & grief awareness. In 2016 I earned Certification in the field of Thanatology, the study of Death, Dying and Bereavement. I am honored to be able to speak on these taboo topics with knowledge, compassion, and a unique perspective. I want to sincerely thank you for following & reading the blog, I hope that this is a healing place for you.

19 Comments

  1. Jeff,
    I try my best, I’m not always successful but how boring would life be if we were always successful. You know Matthew would have turned 18 on October 14. It is hard to believe how time marches on and how time will never truly take the hole away. What is more amazing is how he taught me so much in such a short time. The holidays remind me to appreciate everything I have in this life and how quickly it can all be taken away. Thanks Jeff for your friendship and partnership, I appreciate you very much. We must be able to bend and yield to survive, the stiff tree in the fierce winds is the one that snaps.
    Love you,

    Chuck

  2. Jeff says:

    Chuck,

    You embody the “attitude of gratitude” better than anyone I know. You always have a smile on your face and one of my favorite laughs. I also appreciate the sound effects you employ as you tell a story. Seeing you in the role of general manager for the several years you took it on proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that at the core, you choose JOY! Thank you for modeling this day in and day out.

    Knowing some of the realities that you have lived through that were not all joy, makes your calm, even, positive and fun demeanor even more precious. You are contagious…. in the best sense.

    I love you man,

    Jeff

  3. Lori,

    I like your description of the feeling of being a kid during the holidays. (You get to be selfish) Isn’t that the truth, we get to be selfish, today we get frowned upon if we are perceived selfish. I so appreciate your positive attitude and I know you give thanks for what you have in your life, even though it is not always positive. My heart goes out to you as you struggle with your grandmother’s frailty and I know you our soaking up every moment you can with her. My hope is you can give thanks for that, so many do not always get that opportunity.
    Love,
    Chuck

  4. Lori says:

    Chuck,
    Oh you take me back to the times of being a kid and the holidays were filled with joy and anticipation. We were given license to be selfish. We could ask for exactly what we wanted and usually get it. We just had to show up to the dinner table, not pay for or prepare anything on it. “Those were the days”, as they say.
    I could easily get depressed about the approaching holiday season for many reasons. I choose joy. If you keep your mind and heart open there is always something positive to be found.
    I try to minimize those factors that will cause me stress. I shop online so that I am not frantic about getting to the mall. If I get the actual shopping part over then I am free to enjoy an outdoor venue such as Fashion Island to walk around and just breathe in the holiday spirit.
    I know you make the holidays wonderful for your family and they love you for it.
    Love you,
    Lori

  5. Anne Collins says:

    Chuck
    I really honed in on what you said about gratitude. We had an inspirational business coach speak this morning at Rotary. He discussed “coming back” in business when the downturn in your particular industry is causing failures, lay-offs and being stretched too thin doing the job of the employees who are gone… The first thing he said to do was begin to practice “extreme gratitude” for everything starting with your breath and eyesight. From there, we heard several other great ideas.

    No matter what, good holidays, not so good holidays, if we can start with extreme gratitude for what we do have and experience, we can accomplish the rest. It’s the undecideds of the holidays that creates stress, along with saying “yes” to too much. Once we make decisions, focus on completing the tasks (but not at the last minute), peace can actually come out of the chaos. And when January 2nd rolls around we can say we did it one more time.
    Thanks for your great post. You have a big heart and I am glad we are in each other’s world.
    Hugs,
    Anne

    • Annie,

      Im glad you are in my world as well! I certainly have learned from you as well about staying positive in the midst of adversity. Holidays or not, when I find myself slipping into negative thoughts or feeling sorry for myself for whatever reason it usually means I have not taken the time to give thanks. When I find myself here I take three deep controlled breaths (In through the nose out through the mouth) and give thanks for whatever I can. 99% of the time this brings me back in focus on a positive note. To be at peace with oneself and the world is priceless.
      Love,
      Chuck

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