Preparing to Die . . . The Final Season
Preparing to Die… The Final Season
My friend, Elinor is a deep thinker. She doesn’t mind admitting she hit the big “7-0” last year, which is a milestone. Out of the blue one day she said to me: “I just had a bolt of realization! I am preparing to die!!” Sounds pretty morbid, right?
But being in the funeral business, we are surrounded with death and dying and helping those who are grieving. When we can, we encourage people to pre-pay and pre-plan their funeral to save themselves money and extra stress when the time comes. This is all good and something we strongly believe in –
but no, that is not where this blog is going.
What Elinor said got me to thinking about the seasons of most of our lives.
First, we are children. We are gaining knowledge rapidly from an educational standpoint. We are learning how to relate in our small circle of family and close friends. We branch out to preschool, through high school to higher learning, and continue our growth and development. We make lots of stupid mistakes during this phase, but we aren’t aware of too many of them.
Next comes career and creating a family. We work hard to accumulate worldly goods and start building a career. We save for college for our children and weddings and hopefully set aside funds towards retirement. We take vacations and travel a little. We buy stuff we don’t need and are usually wasteful. We develop more of our character during this time, because we also have to impart it to our children. We make more stupid mistakes, but now we are aware of them.
After that comes the season of the empty nest, the grandchildren phase, and all the fun that brings. If one is fortunate, self-evaluation and life evaluation are stronger in this phase. We are becoming quite comfortable with who we are. We really would like to tell people what we have learned from our mistakes, but usually no one listens.
This brings us to the last season: Preparing to die!
Here are some components I want to consider . . .
- Financial: I will want to be sure that my will or trust and accounts have been evaluated and will stand scrutiny when I am no longer here to defend or change them. My vested powers are how I want them.
- Stuff: I want to be sure that I give away the important things to those I intend them for. I want to see the smiles while I am still here. I want the pictures marked so no one has to say “Who is that? Or, “How are we related?” I want to divest myself of the unimportant so that others won’t have to handle it when I am gone.
- Bucket List: My bucket list will contain the places I have not visited that I still yearn to see. But what about overcoming some of my remaining fears? What about the unread books, unheard music, giving of myself in service to others once the working years are completed? As I check some off, I have no doubt I will add more.
- Relationships: I will want to be sure, that inasmuch as possible I mend any broken relationships. I want to contemplate everyone in my close immediate world. If I have knowingly hurt anyone, I will want to be quick to ask for forgiveness. I will want to be sure those I love now exactly how I feel and nothing is left unsaid or undone.
I will say “I love you” a lot.
- Health: I will want to pay the closest attention I ever have to what I eat, how I rest, my exercise regimen, good mental health and a positive attitude, taking care to fix what’s broken when I can.
- Emotional: The final phase of life will most certainly include some health issues I can’t fix. It will include saying good-bye to friends and relatives who die before me. I need to be able to face these things courageously. I will need to be realistic about possible “sudden fears” of not knowing how to handle something in a weakened physical state or without those I have trusted and leaned on for years. I will need to stick together with my remaining friends and family and “be there” for each other. I will need to come to a place of internal peace with my circumstances, regardless… period!
- Spiritual: The most important of all. For me, personally, I need to know my relationship with God is in good standing and that things are fully settled according to my faith in Jesus Christ.
Finally, naturally being timid in certain areas, I would like to know that I can actually die bravely and with the certain knowledge that as I walk through “my own valley of the shadow of death”, I won’t fear the shadows. You know, shadows are only present when there is a light source. I shall hopefully be focusing on My Light, not the shadow. My Maker is pure light and if He is walking me across the valley, His light will always cast a shadow.
Until that day comes, I plan to be busy doing whatever the days holds. I love the poem “Because I could not stop for Death” by Emily Dickenson:
“Because I could not stop for death..
He kindly stopped for me..
The Carriage held but just Ourselves..
And Immortality… “ Click the link to read it all.
A little serious? Sure. Morbid? Nah, I don’t think so. It is a reality that faces each of us and we do have to accomplish what the seasons set forth. From birth to death, it is what it is.
What season are you in? Are you making the most of it? Each season is the building block for the next. Will you end up having the courage it takes for the final season?
38 Comments
Anne…..Thanks for the information about the seasons of life…..you reminded me that no matter what season I am I should always be saying “I love you” a lot….thanks, Mark
Mark
Thanks for taking time to read and comment. Yes, nothing sounds sweeter to one’s ears than “I love you” from a dad, a son, a dear friend or even a semi-close acquaintance. There are many levels of love. Some may even be a temporary feeling you are the recipient of from a family you really went out there for. It is just as genuine and may sometimes be expressed for the appreciation that they have for you at that moment, or vice versa.
We can never have enough love in the world.
Anne
Oh my, thank you Anne for guiding me to this post … just simply perfection!
Joanne,
Thank you so much for checking it out! I was amazed to hear of the book you have written on Juvenile Diabetes!! I am so impressed! Keep me in the loop on your progress!
You have me in your court on whatever you write! Thanks again for checking out my little blog.
Big Hugs,
Anne
Anne, this is wonderful. The season I’m in is trying to sort out the past, reconcile it with the present & plan for the future. My season is a mix of them all which has it’s perks but is a bit confusing at the same time. I love that Elinor shared this with you, she is an amazing gal & I love working with her. Thank you so much for your wisdom & insight- you are always so in tune with life. XOXOX Carrie
Carrie
We all are on a unique path that is our very own. Yet we have so much in common in spite of the differences in our seasons and our paths. I love your heart. The confusion is something we all face from time to time. Believe me, I have my share. Glad we are here for each other.
XOXOXO Anne
Good article, Anne. So glad you covered that final, but most critical aspect….knowing our Maker. As we walk the cemeteries of Ukraine we see so many burials that happened during Soviet times. A time of strong atheism and yet, when the time of death comes, almost everyone either believes or wishes to believe in a Creator. It is evidenced by all the gravestones. When we strip away all the fluff and distractions of life, when we come to the end, it really does come down to that…..me and my Maker. So glad I walk with Jesus Christ who gives me comfort daily. Finding Him should be everyone’s number one priority.
Coleen
American in Ukraine
Coleen
Thank you for taking time to comment on my blog. I can only imagine the things you have seen and experienced. Yet I am moved daily by the beauty you post.
All the fluff and distractions of life. We can spend so much of our days on them. The things that matter are the things that will last. You got them figured out. And you are giving your life for them on foreign soil every day. Bless you!!
Anne
Months before my precious husband’s arrival in heaven on May 7 ,2012, I was given a tune to 2 Cor. 4:16-18 which became our favorite verses and I quote, “Therefore we do not lose heart, though outwardly we’re wasting away. Yet inwardly, we are being renewed, day by day. For our light and momentary troubles, are achieving for us an eternal Glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen. For the things we see are temporary but the things unseen are eternal.”
As I am quickly approaching my 80th birthday and my 12th year of semi invalidism, I feel I have taken care of “all the above” and my summons could be at any time. I have forgotten so much of what I learned in school, but part of the poem, ” Thanatopsis”, written by the first great American poet, William Cullen Bryant, is as fresh as the day I was required to learn it and I often quote it aloud to myself, when a friend or loved one dies. Here it is.
“So live, that when thy summons comes to join that innumerable caravan which moves to that mysterious realm where each shall take his chamber in the silent halls of death; thou go not like the quarry slave at night, scourged to his dungeon, but sustained and soothed, like one who wraps the drapery of his couch about him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.”
You have become the writer of the Anderson family, Anne, and a good one.
Your sis,
Esther
Esther,
You were always an inspiration to me when you helped raise me. You had such faith and confidence in the Lord, in His provision throughout the lean years of you and Wayne’s ministry. Trust me, you sure weren’t in it for the money because every time a church you two started became even a little self supporting you turned it over to someone else and moved and started in a new place. You faithfully worked full time to support the family, so Wayne could focus on building a new church and congregation and work at an outside job more part-time. I would say you lived pretty well, according to God and Thanatopsis.
And when your summons does come, I think there shall be pleasant dreams.
Thank you for following me and posting a comment.
Love you,
Anne