Peanut Butter and Jelly Make the Best Sandwiches: Some Reflections on Friendship
Peanut Butter and Jelly Together Make the Best Sandwiches.
Let me begin by saying that this blog has nothing to do with a PB & J; although just reading the title is making me a bit hungry. (Does it come with chips and a chocolate milk?) This blog is about something more satisfying. Something tastier. Something nourishing. It’s about friendship.
My long-time friend Stark Howell, an acclaimed Animation Director and Storyboard Artist and I recently worked on a music video project for my songs, “Ride To Find The Cure” and “AIDS Free World,” both from my CIM Records CD, “Songs For An AIDS Free World.”
So, why would I title this blog as I did? Good question. Stark and I have been friends since early 1976, our senior year in high school. We both surfed. We both had gas money to get to and from the beach from Burbank. We both had blue eyes. We were both shy. We both had two brothers (although I had the three sister, too). That’s about all we had in common then. But it worked then as it still works today.
On a clear and sunny Saturday morning, we packed up our gear at Stark’s house in Valencia and began our drive north to the Cow Palace in Daly City, which is just south of San Francisco, for the kick-off if the AIDS Life Cycle/2012. I completed the ride on bike from San Francisco to Los Angeles in 2007 and I must say, it is a long bike ride spanning seven days. In 2007, I had also recorded and released a four song CD inspired by the previous AIDS Life Cycle events. Now, Stark and I decided to film the videos, so we packed up my Scion Xb and headed north to the Bay Area.
The drive north was pleasant. Through our hours of conversation, we enjoyed the coast from Ventura to Gaviota. We were amazed with all of the vineyards planted in the Salinas Valley. We ate Subway sandwiches in King City and saw the Artichoke Capital of the World. We “inch-wormed” our way through the Santa Cruz traffic until we found ourselves at the old cemetery that would be the set for our first shoot. We had a great time setting up the shots and getting the footage we needed in the naturally lit setting.
On Sunday we filmed the dedicated and courageous cyclists as they rode the first leg of the seven-day ride from Daly City to Santa Cruz. We had a blast filming the riders as they worked their way to their destination. After Santa Cruz, we filled sand bags in Sand City. We lunched in Monterey. We had dinner at this small but delicious taco stand in Santa Paula. I dropped Stark off at his home and then drove the ninety-plus miles back to my home in Capistrano Beach. What a weekend! What fun! What a friend
What a great friend!
Today, Stark and I are polar opposites in most aspects of our lives. I’ve lost the gorgeous brown hair of my youth and I’m now bald. His full head of thick, classic blond hair is still there, but now gray. I choose to ride the waves knee boarding and he’s a soulful stand-up surfer. I am a Democrat. He is a Republican. I am socially liberal and he is very conservative. I am a questioning Roman Catholic. He is an Evangelical Christian. We both have two daughters but he also has four boys. I live at the beach. He lives inland. My passion is surfing and music. His is surfing and film. It goes on and on.
So why is our friendship so strong? Why has our friendship aged well over the years? Why have we been able to adapt so well to each other, despite our contrary natures?
Why? How? The answer is simple. Love.
It is amazing how love, even through a friendship like ours, can strengthen and grow over time. I love Stark. I love our history. I love our future together as middle-aged men facing our sixties. I love the way we still get excited about surfing good waves. I love the way we both adore our wives and children. I love the way we always seem to have different opinions about everything. I love that we laugh at the same things. I love the way we can complete each other’s thoughts. But more than everything, I love the way we are the same – two surfers from Burbank.
In the movie “Forrest Gump,” Forrest describes his relationship with Jenny as the two of them being like “…peas and carrots.”
Stark and I? Well, we are the peanut butter and jelly to this oh, so perfect sandwich.
So think about this…
· Whom have you shared many years of friendship with?
· What makes your friendship unique and special?
· How have your differences, if any, worked to your advantage through your years of friendship?
Peace Always!
Chris
20 Comments
Chris,
I love the simplicity of this message. The idea that we can enjoy the company of someone who others might say would be polar opposites. Getting along, enjoying and loving someone else has nothing to do with political, racial, religious backgrounds or personal preference differences. It is an act of the will.
Neil O’Connor included a phrase he learned from his yoga instructor who said, “Your response will determine your experience.” There is also the internal creed of our company that says “Attitude is everything, Relationship first, Task second.” My favorite of the week is a billboard someone shared on FaceBook that read this way.
That “love your neighbor thing”, I meant that.
Jesus
It is simple to say. Hard to do. The dualistic mindset limits our ability to learn to love. We start off even as kids at play wanting to know who’s the good guy, and who’s the bad guy. That can then play into how we enter every arena, situation and relationship. Un-matured, this is a very difficult person to be around and I believe, a hard person to be.
Christopher, I love you man!
Jeff
I feel that at times, our personal classification of thought and ideas can define who we associate with. I like diversity of thought and ideas. It makes for a much more interesting life. It is always a bit saddening to me when I meet people for the first time and their judgement of me is made based of one thing said. Thank God, there are a lot of people to get to know!
Chris –
Great post! We have more in common than we have in difference with people, regardless of race, religion or background. I love being with anyone who has a different perceptive, upbringing or religion. Life is so wonderful, we should all celebrate being unique, diversity bring out the best in our world. To bad some people fear the differences of our neighbors.
The friends I have that are polar opposites of me help me understand God’s beauty of love.
Thank you for sharing your love Stark! PS Forrest Gump is my favorite movie because it challenges the norm.
Namaste Chris!
Most of the people I call friends are very different than me. Some are very similar. They are all friends. Therein lies the beauty!
Chris,
I love your perspective on friendships. I recently heard the phrase on Dave Ramsey’s radio show, “If you marry someone exactly like you, 1 of you is unnecessary” and I think that applies to friendship just as well as it does to marriage. It’s the differences between myself and my friends are some of my favorite things about them. One of my closest friends, Dana, has opened my eyes to so many foreign, fun & charming pieces of life that I would never have collided with otherwise. I love that about her!
Thanks for writing such a great post & for letting me reflect a bit on my dear friends. Great post!
Chris,
Reading about your friendship with Stark, reminded me about a few of my long time friends – the ones that have stood the test of time, the few you share so many years of history with.
Facebook has been a tool that has connected me to many of those friends that I knew and loved even in grade school It is fun to hear of how our life’s journey has taken different and yet similar turns throughout life.
I agree that love is at the base of any true friendship and is the glue that binds it together through thick and thin, good and bad!
Thank you for giving me a glimpse into your friendship world and help me to learn a little more about you through your writing.
It is a pleasure working with you. I look forward to years of friendship.
Sharon
The metaphor that great friendships age
like fine wine is so true. I have been blessed with a great friend.
I always hope that others share the same.
Chris,
I have to say my best friend and I have been friends since 2nd grade. Let me see that is about 30 years. We have been through so very much together. The loss of both her parents at a very young age to us both getting married, having children and both going through very difficult divorces. Through it all we have shown each other support and love. We may not talk everyday but when we do it’s like no time has passed at all. We pick up right where we left off. Thanks for the reminder of love and friendship.
Amy
It is so true that with deep
friendships, the time in between togetherness or conversation seems so short;
as if we’ve just seen or spoke to our friends yesterday. The beauty is that
always seem to just pick up where left off.