Christmas in Retail: A Bookseller’s Experience
I have a story for you, but like all good stories some background detail is needed . . .
While I have the honor of working at O’Connor and managing this awesome blog, I also have a part-time job in retail, at a bookstore to be specific, and I am coming up on my 6th holiday season working in books. While I love working in a bookstore and I love the holidays – when I think of the combination of the two I cringe. I used to love working during the holidays, my spirits were high and I could smile at anyone – but after 6 long years of customer service it’s become harder to enjoy each year when my cozy sweet store becomes full of racing & harried people that can’t take a second to smile or say “thank you” for helping them.
Now to my story, just last week I had a strange experience leaving work that has blossomed into a great lesson and something I’m humbled to share with you. My tale starts simple enough:
I was off work and walked out the doors of my store. I waited for several cars to pass by before there was a small break, I stepped out in to the street.
The closest approaching car zoomed toward me, slammed on their breaks just next to me and you know what the driver did? He looked at me with outrage and disgust – like stopping for me was a complete waste of his time.
My first thought was: “He doesn’t care about me.”
“What did I do to him to deserve that?” I wondered, walking to my car. I began to feel more downcast with each step; his reaction devalued me as a person, I was just a stranger passing in the street and he would rather be at the stop sign 3 seconds earlier than allow me safe passage.
His rudeness hurt. I had just spent the day working, serving & caring for people I didn’t know because it’s part of my job & I like giving my best. I thought about the smiles I had helped bring to my customer’s faces that day & on other days, too. I work hard to give great service but that rude driver changed my motive – I no longer just want to give great service or be helpful, I want to show my co-workers, my customers, and strangers that I VALUE them. Do you believe every life has meaning? I do, I don’t always know what it is & sometimes it can seem as if some people live in pointless ways, but how dare I rely on my poor judgment to determine the value of a stranger in front of me?
The rude driver gave me a passion to show value to others, to do what he couldn’t, to help heal the wounds that he and others like him have created.
I realized have the power to make someone in an instant, feel valued or worthless. The power of a smile, a patient action, the kind wave of a hand.
Via www.mediatinker.com
I think that going into the holiday season having endured that lesson & gained a new passion is going to make the customer-craziness much more bearable. After all, they’re not just “crazy customers” – they’re real people with families, loves & souls, and gosh, I forget that way too easily each year.
In talking about books and this festive time of year I’m reminded of one of my favorite movies, “You’ve Got Mail“. In it, Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), is telling Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) that he didn’t mean to put her sweet little book store out of business. He says, “It’s not personal, it’s business”. Take a moment; have you ever treated a store employee with that attitude, or as if they are only as valuable as the results they give you? I’ve had many people treat me that way and almost always for reasons out side of my control.
I love Kathleen’s response, “What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn’t personal to you. But it was personal to me. It’s *personal* to a lot of people. And what’s so wrong with being personal, anyway?”
Go make someone feel valued, be personal, smile at them and enjoy their smile back.
Also, this is how I look as I write this to you . . . (not really but it’s how I feel I look, I hope that counts!)
kathleen kelly
Photo Via www.decorology.blogspot.com
When was the last time someone made you feel unimportant?
How did you respond?
What are some ways you plan on making others feel valued by you over this next month?
17 Comments
Hi Molly –
I have the ability to take everything personally, I have a huge EGO! I am insecure and I am super sensitive, I am pretty much a big OLD baby. So my learning lesson I have to keep learning is called “receiving the contributions”. This is how is translates to me, no matter what happens to me, or what someone says to me, I able responsible to figure out what is the lesson I am learning beyond the words or actions someone gives me. The other mantra I love is, ” your response will determine your experience”. I try and uplight people by listening with empathy and giving them positive feedback as much as i can. I also try and be as honest as I can, even when you know someone does not want to hear the truth about something, I think that helps build a personal relationship, we can be truthful and it can lift someone up if they have any self awareness. Great Blog Molly!
Neil,
Listening is so important and I’m sure you encourage and lift people up each time you open yourself up to hear them out.
I love your other mantra, that our “response determines our experience” we reap what we sow and in terms of people it’s one of the harder but most important lessons. I know that I have that power over people and even myself. The way I initially approach or think of someone can completely change my attitude toward them.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom Neil! Great thoughts!
Molly,
Isn’t it amazing how bad behavior seems so much more exaggerated when someone is behind the wheel of a car. It’s almost as if all humanity, kindness, and manners are blown out the window as they speed along with obvious hostility in their actions. So dangerous!! You’ve tapped into something here. We have, as a collective whole, gotten away from valuing people. There is so much joy to be had in making a total stranger feel important and valued. Thank you for being a light in a very dark sea of strangers. If I didn’t know you and you were helping me at “Fox Books” I would want to be your friend. “Go to the mattresses Molly Keating!!” Make it personal!!
Love you sweet girl!!
kari
Yay!! Kari you are so sweet and I love your references! Thank you so much for making me smile with that!!
We are kindred spirits!!
Hi Molls:
You and I have talked about this at length.
How we respond to someone’s unsavory attitude or action carries a big responsibility. In the most blessed season of the year, we will always find folks that are rude, unkind, stressed, over worked or have no job at all. Our purpose is to be kind, but our initial impulse is to throw out some form of personal retaliation in the form of a thought . . “you jerk”. Have I done this? You bet. Am I working on this? Everyday.
Our perception of others leaks out and we often times become “the jerk”, as well. You mentioned the value of others. Every human being, every human being, has worth. Our purpose is to remember that.
You helped to bring it home, once again, that what we do with situations can make or break not only their day, but our day as well. Make the moment count.
Nicely done, Mollly
AP
So good! I know I can preach all of this and just as easily become the “jerk” to some poor soul. It’s in all of us but that doesn’t mean we should just let it out to wreak havoc. The work done in controlling that instinct is work done in love for people and what better work is there?
Thank you so much for reading & writing back. Love hearing from you always!
Molly, I’m so sorry this guy made you feel so bad. But, it’s a reflection on him instead of you- you did nothing wrong but he was rude, scary & dangerous. Unfortunately, many people subscribe to his ways. Hold your head high knowing that you are a great person who does all she can to uplift & enrich others. I was made to feel unimportant this year & there was nothing I could do about it. It was demoralizing & upsetting. The one person who could have come to my aid instead chose not to. I was left completely defenseless & it was very scary. I did my best to be a big girl & find the lesson in all of it but to be honest, I’m still confused by the whole thing. All I can do is let it go. Thank you for such an honest blog! XOXOX Carrie
Carrie,
It is scary – I hadn’t thought of that exactly but you’re completely right in your use of that word. All it takes is one person to devalue me on the freeway and want to cut ahead and I could be seriously hurt or worse. I know you’ve seen so many accidents where people have shown clear inconsideration for others or even themselves. It’s incredible the risks we take when our minds refuse to process the value of others outside of ourselves.
I’m sorry that you’ve experienced a moment recently like this, too. We shouldn’t. I hope there is something in that moment for you though – I know for myself I thought, “That man may not like me, but God has never felt that way about me. He would never have done that” – what a beautiful thought.
love you Carrie!
Molly,
Isn’t it sad that our society seems to value people less all of the time? I had a similar experience this morning. I was walking the dogs and was at a break in the street. A young man came racing down in his car, looked right at me and kept going. I would say whenever I wait at this break, only about 40% of drivers stop for me to cross.
I was raised with manners. You slow down to let people change lanes in front of you. You wave at others when they let you in front of them. Manners and value seem to be out the window, especially at the holidays.
I respect you for not allowing his rude actions to negatively affect you for long.
Thank you for the excellent reminder to value others, especially your elders since I am one now!!
Lori
I think it’s incredible how much the scuffle and hurry of life consumes us and disillusions us into thinking that our tasks are so much more important than the people we pass. I sometimes wonder if the people we are hurrying to see or do something for, if they saw us hurrying to get to them, would they still want us to come? I want to be a kind person to everyone I meet, to be consistent so that when I do have bad days it surprises or demonstrates real strain in my life.
Thank you for all your kind words Lori & the shared experience. I hope I would stop for you : )